A Must Read

I got this book for Christmas from a good friend of mine. Has taken me a while to get it finished but I have to say I'm totally in love with it.

I'm not normally a fan of Whoopi persay. However, this book is amazing! had to give it a shout out. Basically she talks about an assortment of things that just tick her off. haha I know who wants to read about someones rants and raves? But this book was like it was written by me. Talks about rude people using their cell phones anywhere and everywhere.. event he darn bathroom. Being rude to others at events, kids in places they shouldn't be, children not being independent, not going outside and playing but instead becoming overweight sitting inside doing nothing but glued to something that plugs in.

I just adore reading it. makes me feel like I'm not insane whenever I've been on my little soap box complaing about rude people and the lack of general manners amongst people.

If you enjoy reading and often find yourself asking what int he hell has happened to people or kids for that matter.. it's a must read piece.

BLAH

I have literally never felt as horrible and as sick to my stomach as I do at this very moment. Tonight I had to give some parents of mine (daycare parents) their 2 week notice. I can't get into the details but because I could no longer retain an aid.. well that's not completely true I just can't depend on them to show up and not be over on my numbers if they do not.

 Its soo complicated its nuts however basically the state is bulling me into having to let go of two kiddos I have had for 2.5 years. Their some of my favorites and I love their parents and all we've done for one another more than anything in this world. Not to mention the little kiddos I've grown soo attached to its crazy. Their kiddos are like my kids brother and sister.

Anyways, tonight I had to ask them to leave in two weeks. It boils down to not having an assistant anymore and needing to cut back on my numbers because I will no longer have an assistant. As well as if I care for these kiddos when they need it as of may.. until 7pm in the evening and on every other weekend. I can have no friends or family come over who have a past the state does not like. Which is like everyone in my family... lol.. and a ton of my friends. As, well there's very few people in this world whom have never been in trouble.

 Anyways, it very much so boils down to watching these kids or continuing to would mean the end of my life as I know it. I feel horrible. I feel like I have let them down.. good friends as well as their kids.

Everything about the state just pisses me off right now. They want to control my life even on non-daycare hours and who is or is not allowed in my home. Which makes no sense to me what so ever if I'm not operating at that time. This case is just different. I've never had to ask anyone to leave much less kiddos I loved and have had for so long.  Just rahter pissed off as a whole.

Long time

Been a very long time since I have been on here!!! But, looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. Here are some neat Halloween items I worked on over 2 days for a class I host from my home....as well as a neat little word block made from childrens blocks. I have created sooo much int he last few months...look forward to sharing more of it! TFL!

It takes a village

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I couldn't agree more with those words of wisdom. When Taylor was younger I often found myself looking to others for guidance, encouragement, wisdom and so forth.

However, today it hit me in the face like a 50 pound brick. I am everyone's village. I get calls of all times of the day and night asking for help or guidance or favors. This I really don't mind. I enjoy helping others really I do. Sometimes though i feel like I know people who depend on the village not for assistance but as the primary caregiver of their children.

I run a daycare. I care for others children all day and all night 7 days a week. I know what I'm doing for the most part with kids...well everyone's but my own...lol. However, when it comes down to little things...a child says something...completely inappropriate and instead of the parent (who's mind you standing right there) saying something they look at me. It's not even a look of what should I do...hmm as I've already had that convo a billion times. It's a look almost like...hmm.. ok say your in wal-mart and someones child is just being a complete brat..you give them the look...the look that says its your child do something about them. That's the look I get from people I know. I want to scream "It's not my child" or in some cases "My time is up as the caregiver its 5pm...DO YOUR JOB!" However, I don't I handle it. Maybe, it's wrong but on the other hand a child who learns they can get away with something will test it to all extremes...and that's not something I accept well in my house.

So, here's my pondering thought this evening. Women work I get this, I work. Their children attend daycare. The daycare provider should play a role in helping raise the child int he ways they should know. Check got that too. What I don't understand is how they only have their children like say 15 hours mon-fri. when their awake and like to appear and act as though their just as overwhelmed as I am. I mean really! I know work and life in general is stressful but how parents assume I need to say and do it all is beyond me when their right there. Don't get me wrong being a mom even if its only for 15 hours can be stressful...BUT COME ON PEOPLE! Now, to be fair I have friends who don't work who also depend on me. However, the dependency for advice or help is much less then those who pay me weekly to do so. Those who pay me seem to think my on the clock never runs out.

Now, I feel its only appropriate to state that I love helping people. I don't mind going to see if a split open head needs stitches, talking to a child to get them to take medicine they refuse to take, talking to a child on the phone because their full time mom is soo frazzled from the days events and just wants a break and need them to go to bed, helping a child going through emotional issues...these things I get and am always there to help. However, you child just being a terror and you doing nothing about it because your exhausted...hmmm get a grip and take care of it yourself. I do it 7 days a week for 12 kids!

What's worse to me is when I decide to step aside and let a parent handle the situation I get a comment. "Oh do u let them do this here?" OMG! I answer politely that I do not and what I do, however I'm thinking in my head most of the time...they don't do that when their just with me cause they know it won't fly in this here village. I think it's hard for people to understand my want to help them is great however, i don't always have the answers or the solutions, i hear prolly 10 mothers vent their days events and stresses daily and sometimes i just can't hear it anymore and have nothing new to offer them in the area of advice or sympathy. I feel like I'm in over my head most days with the stuff people ask of me when I know they'd never hold themselves ot the same standards.

LOL I'm just another mom/woman learning as I go people, I help when I can but when I can't or just don't want to please understand. Sometimes I just wish people weren't so selfish and thoughtless and thought...geez...I wonder if she's tired or needs a break or just that she doesn't always want to play mom to all the children who aren't her own. God know I love children and esp. all those I have here but sometimes I feel like the expectations put on me are higher then that on the parents themselves!

A bit of a vent tonight...lol bare with me!

Children Raising Children

This topic is brought on by a situation my best friend is currently in. She is a SAH mom and step mom. Currently she has been battling...well they've been battling forever but the current issue is with the biological mother dating and going out leaving the 14 year old child in charge of a 7 and 8 year old. Now, just this is discouraging to both her and I.

We wonder why children grow up too fast in this society. However, when you look at this situation it's a prime reason as to how it happens. With this mother being so dumb she's throwing off so many things. First, by leaving one child in charge of the others there's bound to be a power struggle between the children as well as favoritism. The younger children are not of age to get the concept of an older sibling being in charge of them.

Now, here's the kicker. Not only is this child being allowed to watch the other 2 children sometimes all day, many nights and weekends but the mother has also given the older sibling and her friends to physically discipline the younger two. I find this out right appalling!!!!!

I won't hide my disgust...in fact only a few days ago the mother went to spank the child and could not "catch" her and allowed the older sibling and her friends to catch her and hold her down!!!! Are you fricking kidding me...that was my response to my friend among other things. She's obviously even more so frustrated with this situation then myself as she's the one getting the phone calls from the child saying please come get me...their hurting/picking on me. She remains powerless in these situations and the girl's father is in the military and currently away therefore she just has the court ordered days and if the child calls her crying she is powerless and can do nothing if its not on her court appointed day. Here her step child reaches out to her and she is powerless which then hurts their relationship to say the least as the 8 year old can not justify why she is not running to her aid to help her when she's in need and then grows a resentment towards her.

The biological mother is a mess all on her own...let me tell you would take weeks to explain how retarded she is. I'd really like to use some "grown up" words to describe her but retarded is the best I have most days to describe her and her thoughtless actions when it comes to her children and their well being. That being said I'm not even sure how one comes to the point to where they put a child in charge of another child. I can understand a 17 year old keeping after a 9 year old for a short period...don't get me wrong. But, I can not wrap my head around a 14 year old taking care of an 7 and 8 year old and being allowed to physically discipline them not to mention for as long as these children are being watched. it's not even that the mother is working she going out. Also I feel i should note this is not a young mom...she's older. My friend has repeatedly tried to be nice and make a connection or attempt to speak rationally with the biological mother..but she likes to use her being the mother whenever it's convenient to her and accepting advice from a step mother is just not in her. When she was asked if she knew the older sibling was hitting when she wasn't home its to no suprise that she stated in short that it was ok if it needed to be done.

The 8 year old has been going through alot and she is the one at the brunt of this situation. Breaks my heart. As far as legally speaking everyone has told my friend that she basically can't do anything because a 14 year old is allowed to stay home alone and tend after siblings. I think its just NUTS...do you hear me..... NUTS. It's not like the mom is running to the grocery store she's just leaving...out all night, out all day...she has no parental compass and its really chaps me.

This is what's the matter with children today and the family dynamic. I dont care if your a one parent or two parent household. Raising a child is your responsibility and leaving it to other children within the home is just craziness. I went through this as a child and it's unfair to all of the children involved. Why do people think it's ok to strip the childhood from their children. Why and when did it become ok to allow a child to feel smaller then an ant and not to care about their well-being, self-confidence, self-esteem and everything that comes along with basically being told how you feel doesn't matter. Because that is what is happening to this poor 8 year old. When...When...When...why is this ok...why is there nothing others can do about it? I think its abuse on so many levels...let me hear some thoughts or advice to my freind...she reads this blog allt he time...lol

Single Moms Dating

So, I got a reply to my post about single moms dating and the children involved.

"Please don't introduce your children to any man until you are ready to commit to him. Children don't need to have guys walking in and out of their lives. By waiting it also protects your children. Some men want to date single moms in order to get close to their children. Please be careful."

I wanted to reply to this with some more questions....

Here's my questions and viewpoints if you will. I understand men not floating in and out of a house as I find this appauling and would never do that to my children. Their saftey is always my utmost importance. Now, I'm assuming committed above means marriage or livingtogether.

Here's my deal with this is a relationship between a woman and man could be great but how do you commit to someone you have not seen enteract with your children? Should you commit to someone you have never seen enteract with them...seen the chemisty and connection between them. I'm not meanign to say i think each guy a woman dates should meet the children or get them overly attached to a guy...but doesn't there have to be some line to where you view them with your children?

I just know that a relationship a man and woman have dating is a very different dynamic then a family type relationship. So, I'm still curious on this one I guess...

Snow Snow

So, all week I have had this great idea to spend all day today spring cleaning. I had it all mapped out, what I really need to get done, even made a list to add to throughout the week.

I wanted to steam my floors, clean the upstairs areas which is where all of the kids rooms are and then just general things around the house like cleaning the walls and such. I have been planning to do this spring cleanign for some time but never got the right days off or time or energy.

As luck would have it we would get inches of snow last night. Normally wouldn't be such an issue but after a weeks worth of decent spring is near weather...I foudn the snow I normally love a bit disheartening. I really wanted to open all the windows in the house and fill it with freah air...i have done this on decent days during the window as I hate the smell of a stuff house but its different. The snow is pretty but, just when the kids get used to being able to get out and about they can't again...lol...poor them....pooor me...lol

I spent the better part of the morning doing little things, but hoenstly can't bring myself to steam the floors when I can't open all the windows and air it all out...so I've piddled all day with laundry and general Saturday cleaning things.

This last week was spring break, I barrely saw Taylor as he was at sleep overs or having sleep overs nearly each night. Desi also spent quite a bit of time at freinds houses throughout the week. I'm ready for school to start back up though. I hired a new assistant of which I adore here. She's very much so like myself in many ways. Which could of been a complete disaster...but it's worked out wonderfully. This I am greatful for as looking for a new one was exuasting.

I plan on trying to get some new creations scrapped this afternoon. A good snowy day is a good day to craft...also considering a bit of inline shopping for some new CHA items that have been released. Other then that just plan on kinda hanging out today with hopefully minimal excitement for this weekend. I could use a calm weekend to just beathe.

Love & Attachment

I'm sure I'm going to catch alot of flack on this post none the less I'm posting it.

I have 2 children and talking with a friend one night found myself trying to explain that I love both of my children more then anything in this world but the love I have for each child is soooo sooo different. It's even hard to put into words. Which if you personally knew me you'd know is very abnormal for me not to have words...lol

When Taylor my first was born I was very excited and scared as every first time mother is. However, I was 15 and the emotions that cam with him and his pregnancy and birth and everything were far different from those I experienced with my daughter. So, many things were different with her. I loved my pregnancy with her, loved her delivery...loved it all. It was picture perfect besides the complication associated with it but even with those it was great.

I often find myself feeling guilty over these emotions. I know I love both of my kids soo much but there are lots of things that are far different with them both. For instance when Taylor went to school I was literally skipping back to the house with newborn Desi. I have been dreading Desi going to school for a year now. I look at Taylor and can't believe how fast he's grown up and how mature he is. Desi, I look at her almost daily feeling like I'm missing things with her. Hard to explain but she'll do something or give me a look and I'm just like...what happened I blinked and I missed it, when did she learn that. In all actuality I'm extremely lucky as I've been with Desi everyday practically of her life...didn't have that with Taylor as I went to school and worked all the time, so it would seem he would be the one I should feel like I missed things on but its not so.

Taylor is very calm and collected a bit emotional but over all not very confident in who he is and desi is a walking image of me. She spunky, and fun and always says whats on her mind, very confident in herself and what she can and will do, a great mini mommy to the daycare kids and always full of energy. I think that's maybe why I connect with her on so many levels. None the less I have a guilt associated with it. We all have guilt as moms for all kinds of things but this one seems to bug me the most. Like I should feel more connection with taylor, or is it cause he's gone all day and the moments that make me say awww aren't aas often as he's growing up. Don't get me wrong we have a wonderful relationship...better then most I know, but I feel guilty and I never know why. we talk about everything and hate to put it like this but experienced alot of life together, not necessarily me leading him through it but together. Not what i think is idea but its how it happened.

I know its not from a lack of love cause theres love there but I feel bad...like I feel bad cause I don't have those feelings of missing all the little things with him...does that make me a bad mom? I'd like to think not..I'm sure theres some of you out there who say it's exactly the same between your two children...and to that I say ...........BLAH-Good for you. Yes, that's just how mature I feel...lol. I just can't wrap my head around why I'm so much more emotional about the things that Desi does or says or goes through then I ever remember being with Taylor. Maybe I was and just have forgotten the little emotions I felt here and there over the last 10 years.

So, my questions to all of you is do you ever feel this way or is it just me. Do you ever feel guilty because you did more with one child then you were able to with another? Do you feel like your attachment is stronger to one child...notice I didn't say love as I believe I have just as much love for each child...just different attachments to each child if that makes sense and even if it doesn't its all I got.

Single Mom's Dating

Being newly single for the first time in like almost 6 years I've found myself at a point to where I don't have answers or even suggestions for myself. i try to think what my answers have been or would be to a friend and coming up blank...

Whats the rules for dating as a single mom.

Do the kids meet the guy? If so do they meet him as a friend as in he's over to hang out and watch movies or wait until there's something serious?

How do you handle over night stays when you have kids? Or are you even suppose to have them?

I know for each person its very different as to what their comfortable with and what their not but its confusing to say the least. Can you show affection in front of your children. I always thought it was healthy for children to see 2 adults share love and tid bits of love...I'm not talking about straddling a guy and going to town but what about little kisses...and hugs...acceptable or not?

There's alot of uncharted waters I'm walking in here lately and not too sure how to go about it all but just testing things out to see how they go. I was single when I met my X husband and only had Taylor but obviously the ways I went about things there were not the right way...lol

I'm interested to hear what the single moms out there have to say about this...how do you approach dating or sex for that matter....I'm just going to put that out there...cause I'm curious. So, whether your single or not I'm interested in your opions.

Odd tid-bits of this and that

The last few days have been filled with interesting things around my house. All interesting enough to make mention of right there but not necessarily write about it depth details. Going to make a few bullet notes to update all of u.

- To my dear Friend: your not a horrible mommy...kids do dumb things.....hahaha just think of all the dumb things u did as a child...lol...might not seem so bad then.

- The knot on my head is huge and sore...helpful note to others when falling on tiled floor covered in water in the bathroom grabbing the shower curtain is not the smartest of ideas...

This weekend was pretty uneventful for me personally. It's spring break for my son and with that comes the whines and moans of boredom...which I being a good mom saw coming a mile away. If the weather would pick up and be nice at least he'd have more options but its been pretty dreary here the last few days.

So, my father has ventured back out into the exclusive dating world. News to me this week when I find out the woman I just met last week he's been dating since November and going on a weeks vacation with. She's far to sweet for him...no offense to him but I see him corrupting her...none the less he's never stuck his nose into my dating world..however note to others when I begin dating someone he normally meets them when I think its serious...so I explored the idea that its not serious...but quickly disregarded that thought when he said their taking a weeks vacation together to Florida. He deserves it and i know he's been lonely...or not lonely per say but missing that part of his life for some time...that part of completion.

I've discovered this week that facebook is now the world connection point. Tell me when we entered a world to where we have to ask permission from another person for them to admit their family...hahahah much less someone ur in a relationship with. i being lame...just now found out where to add the family members on facebook and thought to myself I'm really sending a request for someone to admit their family...WOW...then my mind wondered into what if someone didn't want to admit they were family....hahaha a whole new way to offend others...lol. As my dear friend put it...it hasn't happened or doesn't exist unless facebook says it does. I've seen people get stressed, laugh, sad, and all out pissed from a simple sentence that someone puts in their status section...leaves so much room for interpretation.

Odd Note: my son is having a friend over to stay the night tonight...my way to salvage the fact that hes stuck here for a week with preschoolers...and the kid just walked in and says "so when is Taylor's mom getting home"...hmmm I just smile and say she should be here soon....Taylor blurts she is my mom and the poor kid turned bright red in embarrassment. while walking up stairs to play games I catch the tail end of a convo they are having to where my son says "so ya I'm teaching you to be cool." the kid replies back "ya, thanks i really need it." I have a moment to where I think I might say something...but decide against it.

I personally have been discovering alot about myself here lately which I'm grateful for. I feel like since matt and I split that somehow I have more time to focus on the things that I want and need and don't want or need at all. I love it.

Daylight savings time way today...which I might just say I think BLOWS....I love the extra day of light for me personally but makes it harder for kids to go to bed at night when they don't understand why they have to go to bed when it's still light out...and spent all day feeling like I was catching up on rest. I know I know its only an hour but feels like 5 was taken away...lol

As of yesterday my birthday is officially a month away. I must be honest only goign to be 26 but somehow I feel like im on the brink of 45...most days anyways. I'm not too excited about it...not sure why...normally I'm all about the birthdays even my own and I get way physced about about them but just not feeling it this year for some reason. I don't have anything I want or need for that matter so kinda just feels like another day...lol....maybe excitement will build as it gets closer....who knows...or maybe I really am just getting old to where the thought of my own birthday no longer excites me...in past years its like one of my fave days...even though I knew when with matt he'd forget to say happy birthday much less make an effort to get me something...lol

So, there are my little tic bits for today...might post something of usefulness tonight but just not feeling it at the moment...

Out of the mouthes of babes

Yesterday, my daughter and friend are doing tattoos...they start discussing how both of their dads have tattoos...then comes the bomb

"Well my mommy has a tattoo on her vagina!" she pratically screams.

OMG, did my daughter just say that to her freind. LOL. I have always taught her the proper names for body parts so that was no suprise. However, its on my hip...lol. I tried explaining this to her and she turns to her freind and says.

"Well my mom has a tattoo next to her vagina."

One of those OMG moments...thats all I can say about that. Luckily her friends mom is very down to earth and took me explaining it with alot of humor and understanding. Last thing I wanted was her freind goign home saying Desi's mom's got this on her vagina...lol...NOT GOOD.

Change

Everyone knows chage is hard. Hardest when theres people you care about involved. I recently made the decision to become yet again a single mom. Hardest decision I have had to make probably in 7 years. However, I truly felt it was needed for the health and well being of all involved. Not matter is the decison was easily or hard in coming to all chages are hard. Even harder when children are involved. I have found myself in a home by myself for only a few days now. Somethings are easier to adjust to the others I will admit. The hardest is at night after all of the kids are in bed. Its quiet....I dont want very much tv ad dont have cable so theres not eve the sound of tv in the background. Just silence. Its something for sure that will take me time to get used to. Sleeping alone...yet another thing to get used to.
Durig the day is much simplier as the 12 childre running around keep me on my toes and leave little room for silence or for my mind to wonder. I find myself curious how it all turns out as I suspect anyone in this kind of situation does. I know it won't be easy but nothing in life...lol...or my life has been easy so I almost find a comfort in knowing challeneges are coming. I've had the talks with the kids...which was less then enjoyable. However I wanted everything out there. While my 4.5 year old only takes away that her "brother" won't be around very much my son at 10 seems not to be fazed by it. Not sure if hes holding it in or if the last two years with Matt he has't formed the bond I thought maybe had been there...even if just alittle.
I always thought it would be easier to leave someone whos not the father of your children but it has prove to be no easier as I looke dinto desi's eyes and she says "so I dot have a daddy anymore" I almost broke down but held it together...she will always have a father but hes far away which is hard for her to understand. Moments like these make me question what I asked for in him leaving to figure things out. But then I look and say is it better hes here while figuring it out. I guess none of us kow the answers really. We make educated guesses with every decision in life.
It's nap time and the house is quiet aside from a few giggles from the girls trying to chit chat while napping and soft country music playig in the background. The music I have found breaks the silence. I spend my days looking over budgets repeatedly wondering will it work...sure it will...then I revisit it an hr later making sure I didn't forget anything.
It hits me...everything is more complicated now. I work from 5am to about 9pm watching other peoples kids 7 days a week. It's scarce that I have a day off and while I have hired a assistant for during the day how will I work out goig to the bank, paying bills, grocery shopping. If it were just my kids thats simple...I have done that before. I'm scared but you can't show that or the kids eat it up like candy. I'm not scared on making it and I'm one of those who survive no matter what. I'm scared of more bad decisions that affect everyone lives. I hate cats or I might turn into one of those crazy cat ladies...crosses my mind....lol...I decide against that. I'm more so scared...scared to make any decisions...every decisions seems to backfire...lol... I want to make good decisions from this point o however I thought previous decisios were good as well...so who really knows.
I have decisions to make Im not quite ready to make but I know are shortly coming up to make.I'll do the best I can...thats all I can ask of myself. I know it will be harder and many of those silent nights I may be found curled up on the couch crying but...thats ok. I did what I thought was best....

Tuesday and Wednesday Creations

Here's a layout created as well. I just adore it. It took al day to complete due to drying tmes of things but I love the way it turned out!

Materials: Pattern paper and solid paper- My Minds Eye- 29th Street Collection (love the texture of this), Spinner Card and Bird, floral, compass Rub-ons- My Minds Eye, Flowers- Prima, Token and metal spinner and grundgeboard flower and butterfly- Tim Holtz, half pearls- Basic Grey, Title rub-on Creative Imaginations, Scrap works- Nails, Paint-Ranger, fibers, ribbons, vintage german glass glitter.

I flocked the stem of this grundgeboard flower and painted the top with lake mist color. I crisscrossed the ails and fibers. The prima flower was originally red- but I oved it's stye so I painted it to tone it down.

This rub-on was black which I felt was a bit too bold for the paper and accents so I ran the lake mist over it. I did this to the whole sheet of paper to tone down the stars a bit.

This is a spinner card by MME and spinner and grundgeboard butterfly by Tim Holtz. The card was a bit bare so I touched up the edges with paint and then put the MME compass rub-on in the center of it. The butterfly is adorned with vintage german glass gitter- which I adore!

I ran the lake mist paint over the entire page and rub-ons to tone them down the green folage was a bit to bright so by rubbing pant over it as well I got a great look. For the center I simple cut out a pointed oval shape free hand and then distressed it and heavily put paint on it. Then I placed a solid coordinating piece behind it where the hole was and ran paint across it as wel to lighten it up some.

Here is a really fun layout. Ironically the title I chose is also the collection of the papers...lol The Chipboard tree is inked to give it better definition and the die cut letters have epoxy on them that you can't see that well- but its great! I also cut out a litte fox from a scrap to use at the end of the title. Pattern papers and solid papers- Imaginisce- twitterpated collection, Chipboard bunnies- Sassafrass, die cut letters- Color Bok- Friendly forrest, Ribbon- SEI, Chipboard Tree- Maya Road, Super Mini brads in tree- Queen and Co., Epoxy, ink.

I just adore these great trees. They come in soo many shapes and sizes. I added little brads just for fun!

So, this week somehow I lucked out and have 4 kiddos on vacation at once....leaving me with a rather relaxed week with a more spare moments to play. I got one a day done...lol...not my best work or speediest but gad to be playing none the less.

Thanks for looking!

The Things I Live Through- Chapter 3

So, the ast 36 hrs have been jam packed with drama! Everyone loves a ittle crisis right? Ha Ha So, here's the news to share...picture ook much better than actual children....lol

Desi took a leap of faith yesterday...not sure if she was pushed (by my darling younger son who happened to put the ladder up there after it was taken down) or jumped...but she took a leap....from the top bunk of her brothers bed, into a ceiing fan spinning on high and to the floor head first!... A trip to the ER, a few shots injected into the wounds to numb then and she got stitches- then by the time the made it to her head...they didn't test it for numbness....and just shot the first staple in...well.....she wasn't still numb...as she leaped from the table screaming in pain...then the numbed her again......and put the other staple in! She has a concusion...

The poor child spent 4 hrs in the ER getting stapled and stitched and cleaned and X-rayed. She's my hero...not a singe tear after the initial scare wore off! Her hair looks pink from the blood...

And you'l never guess where I was just about 12 hrs earlier. I was in a nother ER with my youngest son....lol...for illness reason.....hahaha I got home and told me son...I'm heading out to the store to pick up some feel better sit still gifts...lol...I'll get you one...if you promise not to hurt yourself within the next 24 hrs...hahahahah

What a strong girl!!!

Just another thing I managed to live through yet again. Funny thing is 4 generations of my famiy all have scars on the left side of the temple in that same spot...three of which came from bunk beds...hahahah just gotta laugh!

Round 1000 In this Un-winable Boxing Match

OK, by now I think Iw ould have made myself quite clear. Not to sound off putting in any way...but how hard is it to be a grown up!!!! Remember when you were a kid...and how if you got into a tiff it was handled...pulling hair, ugly words or if you had broher or are a boy maybe with a good punch or wrestling match.

I kinda miss those days. Last night while taking my 10th trip to Wal-mart in the day...I was browsing some new crafting supplies for the kids Valentine's Day party.I have my three children and one of my night care children. They were behaving wonderfully....I was soo proud....granit they were somewhat bribed tobehave...I twas agreed on before we entered the store that there would be no homemade cookies made later if their behaviors were crazy... Anyway back to the point.....I'm shopping...A gal next to me asked if I had used something before and she seemed quite nice.....I gave her my experience with the product. Then comes the first blow...

"So, are these your children- they are soo well behaved"

"Thank you...but I can only take credit for 3 of them." Now in my head thats enough said....HA...you all know me all to well to know that was it.

"So, you babaysit?"

"I run a preschool by day and then take a few night care kids at night but the 2 and 3 yr olds and the nine yr old are mine." as I point to each child.

She gives me a quizical look...not really scanning my body but kinda scanning me as a while. Once of the kids was elbowing the other...so I went over nealt down and told them to cut it out.

I walk about 4 feet away from the cart....my back turned to the cart....The lady moves down the isle. I slightly turn to look at something...and out of the corner of my eye...I notice the gal bent down near my cart...now I'm an up front and honest person. I turn thinking maybe my cart is in her way.....hmm she's talking to my kids...nice enough and harmless.....so I go over and move the cart ahead so that she may have view of the lower shelf she was bent down in front of.

And I tell you I gotta love my 9 yr old. The lady continues to look and he blunrts out quite loudly. "Mom, why was that lady asking me if I was your son?" My jaw dropped and I knew she could hear him. I say "I dont know Taylor...what did she say." He looks at her ...with a kinda afraid of getting in trouble look...then says "she asked if you were my mom...and said if you weren't it was okay she would help me."

I'm sorry but I don't care if I'm a God fearing woman or not. I wanted--I wished--I desperatly wanted to be 8 again. I wanted to elbow her, and yell at her and tattle tale on her and go into an all out sister like fight, I imagine pulling her hair out..calling her names that I knew were in my head but normally aren't spoken. Luckily for her I have alot of patience. But, also in a situation like this...there's not alot you can do. I get this all the time as my long time readers know. But... for goodness sake...I wanted to take her by her hair and twirl her around 360 like you see inthe movies...lol. I had soo much anger I could feel my face filling with redness and begining to tingle. Only in my head I saw her fate to be anything but fun or happy. Gosh how much I miss being a kid.

I then looked over to her and said please do not speak to MY children again. I think what you just did was very inappropiate and uncalled for. She looked at me and says something to the effect of how young I look. I just took the kid and pushed the cart away. Nothing iriatates me more then peoples own stupidity.

Now ont he other hand I maybe ....ha...I said maybe right....can see where she was coming from. At least she had the balls to say something...as many children are kidnapped or locked in cars or horrriable things and no one says anything...but I mean come on it was pretty obvious...to me and hundreds of other I guess...LOL I feel like I should have to wear a shirt around that says. "I HAD A KID AT 15" then on the back a short essay about how I have a great job, 4 degrees a loving husband and well behaved great children that are well cared for in everyway possiable. Go figure I'd post this right after expectations.....ahhhhhhh people....get a clue...really. know I'm not the only person who looks 16 at 24...lol and I sure in the hell know I'm not the first or last to have a child ata a early age...

Ok ladies lets here it ....I want to hear when you most wanted to be a kid again...was it for the fun or for the stuff you could get away with, witht a time out or grounding or spanking.

Tis The Season For Happiness

So, it has been some time since I have posted so wanted to give a large update on many interesting things!

- Okay a few weeks ago I posted an entry about how hard of a time I was having fighting my daughter and her bedtime routine. Well, I am proud to announce that for the last two whole weeks I have put her to bed on my own and only had to go in once on a few nights...other than that there are no more fits...no more getting up fifty time, no more fighting her. I am not even sure what I am doing differently. BUt, I just began putting her to bed and letting her know I would see her int he morning and just like that...she began falling asleep on her own and no fits or problem...so maybe it was just a phase...sucks it was a 1 year things but it is over...yea!!!!!!

- Christmas is upon us and this year I am especially excited! This year we were ableto do well by our own family and by a few adopted families....which pleased me greatly that we were abble to do that.

- Our new puppy is growing greatly and doing quite well. She's a handful and as I suspected I am the one primarily caring for even though we had a good two toher people (boys and men) in the house swear it would be on them...lol...but she has become a great addition to our home.

- I no longer am caring for the 4 small children I was watching int eh evening--you remember them thier mother was the one who drove me craxy with her in-capability to take care of her children- well I had to turn her over to child services after I found out she was allower her unstable 4 yr old to attend after her 1 yr old on her own while she ran errands and such...ahhhh...so it was a double edged sword for me...lost 1700 a month in my income but did what was best for the children- she no longer is in care of any of them- I guess she was already on her 3rd strike....ahhh soo sad....but I had no choice in my situation. But I must admot I have loved having my weekends back to myself!

- I will after the new year be taking on a few new children of which I am very excited about- 2 boys around 18 months old- not siblings....also signed a new 5 yr old a week ago. Kinda refreshing after having soo many girls around (I only had my 2 sons and one other boy the rest were girls) and now it looks to be flipping...so it ought to be kinda interesting. Also had one of my day time boys go to nights.

- As of today i have baked 22 loafs of bread- banana, apple strussle and cinnamon strussel. Baked well over 300 cookies......

- Today- I woke up went to the store and began cleaning the house...when I got to the kitchen---SUPRISE SUPRISE My PIPES ARE FRZEN....and only in the kitchen...of all places....so all day I have been doing my dishes in the shower and tubs of water...this is soo not a good time to be having freezing pipes with all the cooking that goes ont his time of year. But, I bear with it....called the landlord and he said nothing he can do right now...so I hope they don't burst tonight....

- Ok so there's a little overview- oh ya an dmy daughters hair....hmm still looks bad but shes gotten used to wearing a hat when we go out...lol

Having a great Holiday everyone!!!

The things I Live Thru

You know the things I hear and see never seem to amae me esp. when it comes to kids...hmm but this one took the cake. So, a few mornings ago Matt came out of the room from talking to me... and says "OH SHIT" then comes back into the room and says you don't want to go out there. I say why not what has she done- Desi is always into something- one morning like 10 of my glitters mixed up. He says "she cut her hair"---I say hmm how bad....he says "very very very bad" i come out and wow there's hair piled around her. It's not alittle snip like I am used to seeing with the preschool kids. She had my sharp scrapbook shears...so the cutting wasn't hard at all. It was like cutting butter. She cut her bangs, all of the hair on one sife and butchered te other side and some in the back!

I had just taken her a week before and got a very cute cut done so that he hair wouldnt knot nearly as bad and it had worked....and then she does this....hmm you will be able to see.....I am posting a before pic...that was taken thanksgiving day and then the after shot taken right after her cutting spree. The sad part we were going to get family pics taken this year......ummmmm soo not cool. I was crying I dont mean to sound materialistic but her and I are the only girls and well I hate to see that cutness go. Some have said it looks like an edgy cut like one you would see in vouge but hmm I guess vogue isn't foe me. Normally I look at those girls and say what the hell was she thinking. So makes it hard for me to see it in a pos. light...lol So, here they are....yet another thing I have lived through and Im not dead! Go Figure and Please before syaing ah its cute or not that bad...please wonder to yourself if it happened to your head or your child's if you'd feel that way...lol

Questions You Hope Your Children Never Ask

I did not come up with all of these....got some from a teachers print out at the kids school. Enjoy and truly hope they dont ask these because some of them....ha I'm not sure my answer would be a good one. I just thought it was cute!

1. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle but can be used on plastic?
2. Why are there flotation devices under the seats insted of parachutes?
3. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations but you are prohibited to smoke there?
4. Why do you need a drivers liscense to purchase liquor when you can't drink and drive?
5. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing soap contains real lemons?
6. If 7-11 is open 24hrs a day and 365 days a year.....why do they need locks on the doors?
7. If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
8. If you in a vechile going the speed of light...what happens when you turn the headlights on?
9. If it's zero degrees outside today and tomorrow it's suppose to be twice as cold....how cold is that?
10. What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon...when all plants are formed from sme type of seed.
11. Why is it okay for me to be smart and yet not have a smart mouth? Shouldnt all of me be smart?
12. Why do we use credit cards to buy things we "dont have to have" but want instead of waiting till we have the money?

Okay so just thought I would share those.....oww and for all of those of you wonder....i have made some progress in the sleeping situation with the little one...will write more tomorrow as I am beat!

Sat.- Sun.- Mon.- Tue You can find Me.........

Recklessly slamming my head into the wall!!! No kidding you stop by my home on any of those eveings...after 8pm. You'd prolly think somone was drying inside of my house...from all my head banging, moans and more! Those night are by far the most stressfull eveings I have! And to boot those are the nights I have my over night kids on top of my own! Those nights cause me to feel like I am having a nervous break down....I have words in my head I never thought I could even come up with on those nights. I have feelings of complete dispair and failure on those nights. I try and try each night to make it different...but alas always the same! On those nights....I grab the pillow and scream into it or if feeling really ballsy I step outside and scream! Its a loud scream to. On those nights you can find me completely calm until about 7:45 when I know the fight is coming. The fight of all fights. The fight many parents have delt with. It's been delt with for decades upon decades. I have advice for everyone else on this fight....and it works for them...heck works for me too....but not on these nights. On these nights...the soon to be hubby is at work which intensifies the fight and the frustration.....hmm have you guessed what the fight is....i bet many mothers have...

Its the age old fight over sleep. The fight for me to sleep.....the fight to get my daughter to sleep!!!!!! She's almost 3.5. And for some reason I have failed in her bed time routine. Everything has worked for my two boys and the countless number of nightly children I keep...but NOT FOR HER! I have tried not letting her take naps...nope doesn't work, I have tried being extra loving, tried letting her wear herself out, tried bribing, tried letting her watch a video, tried being realy stern and steady on it every night. NOTHING WORKS!!! I go in lay her down..thats done and the easy part...but within minutes shes out of her bed...for something or nothing. I put her back and back and back.....no matter which approach I take shes up till at least 11. And up by 5-6am. This is killing me...not because I need the sleep because I am normally up later than that and up at the same time she is...but just the fact that I can't figure her out. I know shes tryign to break me! And each night I stand sturn but oh my gosh!!! I got so desperate.... I know shes okay in her room...nothing to harm her or anything...just a bed and dresser...her toys are kept in the play rooms...so i tied scarfs together and tied off her door so even if she gets up she cant open the door...well.....she took too banging and yelling until somone comes to her door.....and this wont fly...esp on the nights i have over night kids because she wakes them all including an infant! Or she jerks on the door enough times to loosen the scarfs.

Now shes a very strong willed little girl..always has been...she refused to eat baby food....she had to feed herself and is very independent. But, I'm at my wits end. Now here's the kicker....why only those night is she like this? Well during naps and on the other evening the hubby is around....so he does it for me to save my some sanity...heck if she knows he's here and I lay her down shell stay there but its like she knows the nights he wotn be here and does this. I know she's just a little kid....but wow, I need some kind of mediction! lol

I remember when I first became a parent at 15! I was ina moms group and this gal was talking about how she gave her kids more then a single dose of tylonl so he would sleep...and i was htinking wow...how horriable is that...and shes 30 something...i know more then she does.....but I'm telling you...medication sounds awefuly good on those nights. lol

I hate to call it fighting but gosh...that's what it is....I've tried everything and am always consistant..and all my tricks have worked for every other kid I've known or had to put to bed. But, I swear I wonder about her sometimes....I would think she just knows she can do it with me...bt the hubby doesn't spank or anything...just says get into bed...and good night. I do the same thing he does...with her getting up enough times to drive me into a break down. Last night I was at wits end... i took a break and steped into my room and took a pillow and let it all out....feel great...but I look over and shes at my bedroom door...staring at me....then she says "mommy you funny" aAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I didn't have enough energy for another scream. I don't give into her ever...so why after a year am I still being pushed on this issue!

Don't get me wrong...I know some day all these qualities about her are going to develope her into a super strong person but right now I could use some of that strength! I know this happens to many parents...but I'm doing what most of then aren't. I never let her sleep with me or any of those bad habit that cause kids to not get into good bedtime manor...I've always done it the right way...or maybe not the right way but all the ways I knew how to - to ensure children sleep in their beds and get plenty of rest. Just drives me even more insane that she sleeps great and goes right to sleep when the hubby puts her down or when I do it and hes around.

Now there is one large detail that I think i know is the problem but I really have no way to fix it. When I was married before my x always laid her down...it was his and hers thing. She always went right to bed with no problems. It was their special thing...which was great. And I think she got into the pattern of wanting her dad to lay her down...and even now wants her step dad to lay her down at nights (I have full custody and her dad my x hasnt seen her in like a yr) due to financial problems (whoa thats a whole other entry though) But I understand she got into that rythym but for gosh sake I have been pluggin away at this for a yr now and no results! My soon to be hubby works evening 4 nights a week so he CANT be here to lay her down if thats what shes needing....so I'm stuck!

Thanks to all who have read and feel my pain as I feel much better even though I just shared...I feel a ray of hope...and tomorrow the hubby will be home......lol

BUSTED

Yesterday, was parent teacher conferences. I went in and spoke with my almost 9 yr old son's teacher. He is in 2nd grade. So, I am speaking with her and finding out how he's doing. Overall she's very pleased with all of his advancements and how well he is doing socially and academically. So, I was very thrilled as I also have been seeing these same advancements at home.

But, with that I also have seen a bit of the typical pre-teen behavior coming. So, I asked if she had seen anything like this or seen any of that change in him. I only ask because lately...we've been noticing Taylor having a difficult time knowing where he "fits". We all know how difficult this can be. taylor is at the stage where he knows he doesn't want to play with the 6 and 7 year old and yet the 10-11 year old are a bit too old for him....and we just dont have many surrounding neighbor kids despite it being a small suburban neighborhood in his age range.

So, back to the point....sorry I'm a bit scattered braned this morning...I have far less children.....thank goodness cause I needed today to be nice and easy going! Anywho there I go again...lol

So, she look at me with a slightly sly grin and says well I have seen one incident. I was all ears.....se gets up and walks to her desk.....hmmmmmm

And pulls out this piece of paper. It's blue...rectangle...hmm I know right off the bat it's one of his nightly reading sheets......

She hands it to me....there Taylor has written his name in almost all the slots.....even the one where the books name goes....and what do we have here...where the parent signature goes....there's a name...hmmmm but it's written in crayon....which we never do...sometimes in the hunt for a pen we settle with a marker or pencil but NEVER a crayon...lol

Then I look closely...and this is what I see! I think wow!

Kinda made me think...gosh I thought we were years away from this...but in the same light made me laugh....he was soo innocent in what he did...he actually thought he'd get away with it...and he wrote "Dad".

So, me being the parent I am......I have a slightly different style I guess then most. I came home...before he saw I was in the back door I put this great slip on the front of the fridge...whcih is always saved for excellent pieces of work or really good tries!

Then I proceeded into the livingroom and called Taylor...me and the soon to be hubby sat with taylor and went over what his teacher said she wanted him to improve on and her goals for him this year! The conversation was over.....and i saw "oh by the way...your teacher gave me something of yours that she said was a really nice try...but just wasn't going to fly.....so I put it on the fridge." So, he walks in kinda excied to see what it was....then nothing...he didn't come back in...5 minutes passed....Matt and I walked in the kitchen and he just stands staring at it.....

The look on his face was priceless.....It was the BUSTED look!!! I love being ME!