Tuesday, April 20, 2010


So, this week I have decided to crack down on my house. This was prolly inspired by my X finally getting his stuff...well he's not but someone is...lol and my figuring when I was going thru it all might as well throw crap out and get rid of stuff, that's been collecting for years upon years.

OMG I hate clutter...but what I hate even more is when you have clutter and your not disposing of it then really all you do is move the clutter from one place to the next...I threw out like 6 large trash bags today of crap...set is out for preschool parents to go thru...they went thru it and then the rest went in the garbage! YEA me. Felt great...doesn't feel like I cleared up a ton of space but hmm maybe doing it each day will...who knows...but it feels good to do it.

Monday, April 12, 2010


How as people do we not allow fear to consume our thoughts? I'm speaking very generally here. So, many fears to have as a woman, as a mother heck anything these days and everyone for that matter. I of course can only speak from a girl's perspective.

I often find myself thinking about things that could happen or might happen. I wonder how much time I spend thinking about things that honestly I can't say or do nothing about. I certainly can't prevent them from happening if their destined to happen. None the less they occupy my mind more often then not.

They like to strike while I'm laying in bed on those sleepless nights. I often play through my head if I've said and done everything I can to prevent the big ones that bother me the most. Of course I never have a solution...none the less I worry.

Thats all fear seems to be is worrying about something you have no control over. Sucks all the same though. Kinda vague tonight not feeling all to explainitory.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

It takes a village

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I couldn't agree more with those words of wisdom. When Taylor was younger I often found myself looking to others for guidance, encouragement, wisdom and so forth.

However, today it hit me in the face like a 50 pound brick. I am everyone's village. I get calls of all times of the day and night asking for help or guidance or favors. This I really don't mind. I enjoy helping others really I do. Sometimes though i feel like I know people who depend on the village not for assistance but as the primary caregiver of their children.

I run a daycare. I care for others children all day and all night 7 days a week. I know what I'm doing for the most part with kids...well everyone's but my own...lol. However, when it comes down to little things...a child says something...completely inappropriate and instead of the parent (who's mind you standing right there) saying something they look at me. It's not even a look of what should I do...hmm as I've already had that convo a billion times. It's a look almost like...hmm.. ok say your in wal-mart and someones child is just being a complete brat..you give them the look...the look that says its your child do something about them. That's the look I get from people I know. I want to scream "It's not my child" or in some cases "My time is up as the caregiver its 5pm...DO YOUR JOB!" However, I don't I handle it. Maybe, it's wrong but on the other hand a child who learns they can get away with something will test it to all extremes...and that's not something I accept well in my house.

So, here's my pondering thought this evening. Women work I get this, I work. Their children attend daycare. The daycare provider should play a role in helping raise the child int he ways they should know. Check got that too. What I don't understand is how they only have their children like say 15 hours mon-fri. when their awake and like to appear and act as though their just as overwhelmed as I am. I mean really! I know work and life in general is stressful but how parents assume I need to say and do it all is beyond me when their right there. Don't get me wrong being a mom even if its only for 15 hours can be stressful...BUT COME ON PEOPLE! Now, to be fair I have friends who don't work who also depend on me. However, the dependency for advice or help is much less then those who pay me weekly to do so. Those who pay me seem to think my on the clock never runs out.

Now, I feel its only appropriate to state that I love helping people. I don't mind going to see if a split open head needs stitches, talking to a child to get them to take medicine they refuse to take, talking to a child on the phone because their full time mom is soo frazzled from the days events and just wants a break and need them to go to bed, helping a child going through emotional issues...these things I get and am always there to help. However, you child just being a terror and you doing nothing about it because your exhausted...hmmm get a grip and take care of it yourself. I do it 7 days a week for 12 kids!

What's worse to me is when I decide to step aside and let a parent handle the situation I get a comment. "Oh do u let them do this here?" OMG! I answer politely that I do not and what I do, however I'm thinking in my head most of the time...they don't do that when their just with me cause they know it won't fly in this here village. I think it's hard for people to understand my want to help them is great however, i don't always have the answers or the solutions, i hear prolly 10 mothers vent their days events and stresses daily and sometimes i just can't hear it anymore and have nothing new to offer them in the area of advice or sympathy. I feel like I'm in over my head most days with the stuff people ask of me when I know they'd never hold themselves ot the same standards.

LOL I'm just another mom/woman learning as I go people, I help when I can but when I can't or just don't want to please understand. Sometimes I just wish people weren't so selfish and thoughtless and thought...geez...I wonder if she's tired or needs a break or just that she doesn't always want to play mom to all the children who aren't her own. God know I love children and esp. all those I have here but sometimes I feel like the expectations put on me are higher then that on the parents themselves!

A bit of a vent tonight...lol bare with me!