Does it happen to u?

It's amazing how fast desi has grown up. Seems like yesterday I was saying she was going to be a handful and today she actually is. Desi is something special for sure, any of you who personally know her can atest to this hard but true fact. I like to say she's everythign scary about havign a girl wrapped into one mini-me.

Tonight is not a rant or rave or even a blissful post but one of confusion.

So, here's how this plays out.

A few weeks ago I happened to notice the lip gloss was missing from my make-up bag. Now as any good mommy and state liscensed daycare should, I have child proofing on my drawers with my make up in them to keep out of reach of small hands and mouths. hahahaha before any hate mails come about those who dont have them... 2 things...they're only in place because the state inspection lady...who just adores me. (fatest joke ever) said I had to. Taylor survivied just fine eating half the non-ediable things in my cabinets, and that boy ate everything. Number 2 ya their not childproof when ur kids is smart enough to mimic. They observe you do it once or twice and then presto a few times trying when you not looking and they got it down. Personal not: I should write a note to the companies who guarantee my kid wont be smart enough to get into them. Ok back to the discussion at hand.

So, lip gloss missing...I think to myself maybe its in the car or I've misplaced it...wouldn't be the first thing I've misplaced...and go about my day. While at the store later that day i buy a new one...cause honestly I don't have time to check the 5 billion places it might have ended up and prolly even then would come up empty handed. A few days later I notice a tube of deoterant is missing...now that's an odd thing to go missing...hmm my mind wonders and yet I don't investigate...mostly due to the lack of time and energy of grilling first the go to culprits who will deny at all costs and then the secondary ones who might not say anything at all. Then a few days later a mini bottle of my "stripper" perfume is missing...i call it this because well its the stuff that just wreaks of stripper and yet smells so sweet...lol...u all know what I'm talking about..even for those of you that don't broach the stripper schenes...lol...hmm 2 things come to mind if someone had gotten into it and used it all I would notice..while house would wreak of cheap girls...hahah yes that right...I like to smell like a cheap ole hooker...lol...sue me... girls gotta have a few vices.

A few more days lapse and I start to notice a few things here or there...now keep in mind I'm not really putting all of these petty thefts together...because as I happen to b going through the day one thing missing really isn't any concern of mine but one night while cleaning out drawers it all came to me...light bulb on. There's a thief in my midst. I have no hard evidence to this fact of course but it's def. a good mommy hunch.

My primary suspect, Desiree of course. She's the go to person here. Number one she can't keep her hands out of my make-up back and well anythign I have she thinks she needs at the ripe age of 4.5. Now had I actually found any items on her or in her room I'd go to her...alas I found nada. I deep cleaned her room this very weekend. No evidence at all. But, it's not like kids are stuffing things in their shirts as they make their way out my door...lol...I wonder where she hides her forbidden treasures...secrets holes in the wall, in her vent, some place I havent thought to look...where does all the mommy stolen goods go to. I will probably ask which won't turn up much help at all...I'll get the innocent play on it most likly and the fight to know where they are or if any of it is still useable is one that I choose to not have in the large scheme of other worthy things to fight about. It's like the sock monster that every mom knows well,we never really know where they go...but we knew we had them.

I'm curious is this a girl thing? Or maybe an every kid thing and I just happened to slip by it without Taylor catching the thieving bug...lol.

Ever Had One Of Those Days

or weeks for that matter to where it seems no matter how hard you try or do good you just keep getting smacked in the face by everyone you know...the last 4 days have been like that for me. Booooo Not much else to write those words explain it all.

Spring Fever

So, this morning it occured to me that I beleive spring fever has hit my house. Every child here seems to b wired with an oddly more then normal amount of energy. Perfect timing as today my assitant called out sick. I feel their pain though so try to sympathize with them. I can not wait for those perfect spring says to where you step outside and its just right...not too hot and not too cold...I find those days onyl come in spring and fall...but I adore them! I can't wait to go camping this summer, get everyone out of the house. Winters are always hard with me running a preschool...as some kids can go out some can not...it becomes one large mess...but this winter for some reason seems to of gotten to us all alot more then usual.

Yesterday, I watched it snow soo hard and fast that I could not see out my windows...and within 20 minutes it had stopped...ground covered in a new fresh coat of snow and the sun was out. I have foudn the last week that I felt decieved by what I saw outside. There would be no snow and the sun would be shinnign and it would "appear" to look beauitful out...take a step outside and you freeze to death...lol. I can't wait for warm weather. I happen to love snow and love the cold as it always seems I'm hot, but this year I just want it overwith.

Here's some pretty pictures of some of the snow in the last week...lol...sorry for the lighting but it was like 5am ...lol

Change

Everyone knows chage is hard. Hardest when theres people you care about involved. I recently made the decision to become yet again a single mom. Hardest decision I have had to make probably in 7 years. However, I truly felt it was needed for the health and well being of all involved. Not matter is the decison was easily or hard in coming to all chages are hard. Even harder when children are involved. I have found myself in a home by myself for only a few days now. Somethings are easier to adjust to the others I will admit. The hardest is at night after all of the kids are in bed. Its quiet....I dont want very much tv ad dont have cable so theres not eve the sound of tv in the background. Just silence. Its something for sure that will take me time to get used to. Sleeping alone...yet another thing to get used to.
Durig the day is much simplier as the 12 childre running around keep me on my toes and leave little room for silence or for my mind to wonder. I find myself curious how it all turns out as I suspect anyone in this kind of situation does. I know it won't be easy but nothing in life...lol...or my life has been easy so I almost find a comfort in knowing challeneges are coming. I've had the talks with the kids...which was less then enjoyable. However I wanted everything out there. While my 4.5 year old only takes away that her "brother" won't be around very much my son at 10 seems not to be fazed by it. Not sure if hes holding it in or if the last two years with Matt he has't formed the bond I thought maybe had been there...even if just alittle.
I always thought it would be easier to leave someone whos not the father of your children but it has prove to be no easier as I looke dinto desi's eyes and she says "so I dot have a daddy anymore" I almost broke down but held it together...she will always have a father but hes far away which is hard for her to understand. Moments like these make me question what I asked for in him leaving to figure things out. But then I look and say is it better hes here while figuring it out. I guess none of us kow the answers really. We make educated guesses with every decision in life.
It's nap time and the house is quiet aside from a few giggles from the girls trying to chit chat while napping and soft country music playig in the background. The music I have found breaks the silence. I spend my days looking over budgets repeatedly wondering will it work...sure it will...then I revisit it an hr later making sure I didn't forget anything.
It hits me...everything is more complicated now. I work from 5am to about 9pm watching other peoples kids 7 days a week. It's scarce that I have a day off and while I have hired a assistant for during the day how will I work out goig to the bank, paying bills, grocery shopping. If it were just my kids thats simple...I have done that before. I'm scared but you can't show that or the kids eat it up like candy. I'm not scared on making it and I'm one of those who survive no matter what. I'm scared of more bad decisions that affect everyone lives. I hate cats or I might turn into one of those crazy cat ladies...crosses my mind....lol...I decide against that. I'm more so scared...scared to make any decisions...every decisions seems to backfire...lol... I want to make good decisions from this point o however I thought previous decisios were good as well...so who really knows.
I have decisions to make Im not quite ready to make but I know are shortly coming up to make.I'll do the best I can...thats all I can ask of myself. I know it will be harder and many of those silent nights I may be found curled up on the couch crying but...thats ok. I did what I thought was best....