Thursday, July 7, 2011

Conflicted Feelings

So, I'm moving and changing jobs. I shall no longer being doing daycare. I'm stuck now with a conflictions of feelings.

On one side there's a whole new life, relationship, job and beginning that's opening up for me.

On the other side, there's a bit of scariness because it is a new town, new job and new life, as well as the sadness of leaving first and foremost my best friend in this whole world. The only person who knows just as much about me as I do. Who's seen every side of me there is, the good, the bad, the imperfect.. I mean everything.. the things you never show anyone else, me yelling at my kids in complete frustration, me in tears over where my life is.. EVERYTHING. I go into tears even thinking about the day I'm leaving him. I mean we spend a good 3-4 nights a week together hanging out. He's the uncle my kids have but never have gotten to know.. lol I want to take him with me.. In fact.. I TRIED.. hee hee. I know its not fair to him to ask him to do it.. but what can I say.. I want it. I can't imagine my nights and all the discussion we have not being there... or at least not the way they are now. It's sad... just sad. I knew this day would come. WAIT, that's a lie.. I never thought about it.. cause it made me sad then. BLAH.. hate it.. can you tell?

  On top of this, I'm also leaving a few families that have become part of my family. The ones I've had since they were infants and built relationships with. Leaving a few of them and not getting to see these little ones grow like I have also makes me terribly sad. I've seen the first roll overs, the first steps, words, timeouts...everything! UGH more sadness.

But, like I said there's allot of excitement as well. I'll get to see adults everyday! I'll get to use my degrees and my brain for more than how to get Little missy to stop biting and two girls to be friends. Which.... takes allot.. it does. but you know what I mean.

I've been semi bi-polar in my emotions. IT SUCKS. One moment I'm overwhelmed with excitement and anxious to see how things will go. the next in complete sadness thinking of leaving those I love the most. I know I'll see  them again but it's just different. No matter how close you are or remain everything changes. Change is good, Change is hard.