Thursday, October 13, 2011


It's been quite some time since I have written on here. I guess I've been preoccupied with life. Ok thats not true at all. Well maybe alittle. Honestly most nights I have more than enough time to write and I should. I miss it. The release of everythign thats inside needing a place to fall.

I've decided I shall begin again.. how about that. It may not always be pretty. Learning to balance working outside of the home now. So, I might need to update some things on here since I am no longer running a preschool. However, tonight I shall dive into some posts. I have alot to talk about.. lol. So much has been going on. Ranging form like I said working outside of the home for the first time in over 6 years, figuring out the wonderful world of livivng with someone and balancing the family aspect of it all while discovering a balance between Eric (my bf of 2 yrs that we moved in with) and just eveyrthing that comes along with blending everyone together. I have some great stores and expereiences thus far to share and some not so pretty. But, I shall share them all.

Look forward to getting back into the swing of things.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Conflicted Feelings

So, I'm moving and changing jobs. I shall no longer being doing daycare. I'm stuck now with a conflictions of feelings.

On one side there's a whole new life, relationship, job and beginning that's opening up for me.

On the other side, there's a bit of scariness because it is a new town, new job and new life, as well as the sadness of leaving first and foremost my best friend in this whole world. The only person who knows just as much about me as I do. Who's seen every side of me there is, the good, the bad, the imperfect.. I mean everything.. the things you never show anyone else, me yelling at my kids in complete frustration, me in tears over where my life is.. EVERYTHING. I go into tears even thinking about the day I'm leaving him. I mean we spend a good 3-4 nights a week together hanging out. He's the uncle my kids have but never have gotten to know.. lol I want to take him with me.. In fact.. I TRIED.. hee hee. I know its not fair to him to ask him to do it.. but what can I say.. I want it. I can't imagine my nights and all the discussion we have not being there... or at least not the way they are now. It's sad... just sad. I knew this day would come. WAIT, that's a lie.. I never thought about it.. cause it made me sad then. BLAH.. hate it.. can you tell?

  On top of this, I'm also leaving a few families that have become part of my family. The ones I've had since they were infants and built relationships with. Leaving a few of them and not getting to see these little ones grow like I have also makes me terribly sad. I've seen the first roll overs, the first steps, words, timeouts...everything! UGH more sadness.

But, like I said there's allot of excitement as well. I'll get to see adults everyday! I'll get to use my degrees and my brain for more than how to get Little missy to stop biting and two girls to be friends. Which.... takes allot.. it does. but you know what I mean.

I've been semi bi-polar in my emotions. IT SUCKS. One moment I'm overwhelmed with excitement and anxious to see how things will go. the next in complete sadness thinking of leaving those I love the most. I know I'll see  them again but it's just different. No matter how close you are or remain everything changes. Change is good, Change is hard.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

wow oh wow

So, its been quite some time since I've written.. more going on then well I can explain at this time. However, in the mists of all the smoke I have some news to share with everyone. I am moving in a month. i will no longer be doing daycare/preschool in my home and will go back to working in an office. Timing is somewhat ideal for many reasons. Once being both of my kids are now in school. Second, I'm ready to be away form the town I'm in... I love small towns.. but right now I'm about ready to burst with the small town mentality around here. Third, no more long distance relationship. For over a year I have been commuting 2.5 hours away to see my boyfriend on weekends we're both available. I'm moving now to an area much closer to where he is.. making my life a bit easier. I found a house that even better is going to allow me to have a scrapbooking room!! OMG I forget what its even like to have a room dedicated to my happiness! All of this came about in a bit of a hap hazardous way, however, with everything in life I'm running with it all and making the best of it all for the kiddos and I. Knowing in the end all of the wrinkles will be ironed out along the way.

I now have a month to get my 4 bed, 2 bath around 2700 sq ft house all packed up.. oh did I mention I'm doing this until I move with daycare kids in tow.. lol. A bit crazy but, I wanted to make sure the kiddos and parents got good notice to find other care. It's going to be super hard to leave one of my best friends ever as well as some of the kiddos I've had forever and fallen in love with. However, the winds of change are blowing me.... forcefully... and I feel there's no use in fighting them.. I should flow with them..right? RIGHT!

So, now that my life isn't so... hmm dare I say puvlic or under the public magnifying glass I shall be posting here alot more! YAY

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Got My Groove Back

So, after a few months of not feeling up to par from medical issues and stress from everyday life, I am BACK!!!! Since last week I have my bounce back in my step. I'm loving it. I actually got some sleep this last weekend... which is a god send.. as well I haven't ever slept well... but last 4-5 months it's been super bad.

I've been crafting alot lately, which I highly contribute to this pep in my step.

Things have been a bit crazy. It has been a swinging door here with moving some kiddos out and others in. Not an easy thing to do btu I've taken on the challenge head on! I'm ok with it.

Hmm what else... my son is yet grounded again! Ugh sometimes that kid just baffles me. Now I believe he weighs the options of what he knows will be the consequence against what he was suppose to do. haha Smart kid.. yet very dumb... lol. I'm a hard ass when it comes to breaking the rules.

For instance I have rule that when you stay the night at a friends house, you come home or call me by noon the next day. Let me know whats going on and so forth. Well Sat. Taylor stayed the night at a friends... and then didn't call... or show up. Then he decided to go to the park.. haha which isn't allowed as well!!! I have to know where you are at all times! Therefore, he is now grounded. Furthermore, he walked through he door and I said you know your in trouble right.. he says "yep." and I say your grounded for a week and he says, I know.. but it was worth not having to do my chores this afternoon.

hahaha kid cracks me up... and drives me bonkers at the same time! But that's life right.

Hmm whatever craziness.... well... honestly there hasn't been any! I'm not sure whats going on but I'm loving it. My daughter is for some reason.... liking me and my rules!!! Crazy i know right. LOL It's made it super easy and alot less battles.

However, I have noticed that the older Desiree gets the more her and Taylor bicker! BLAH! I deal with it as it comes.. I can't believe shes going to be 6 this year.. and right around the corner on the 4th of July! Sooooo BIG... well her mouth anyways.. hee hee she's still a tiny little girl.

Crafting has been going super well... loving doing video tutorials and posting projects and challenges.. be sure to check it out. Lots of free givaways! You can find it under my profile.. the craft donkey!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I love light summer recipes. Here's one I can across that i can't wait to try! yum

Monday, May 9, 2011

Why are people so self concerned......

So, I apologize for the lapse in posting. I have been trying to get my crafting blog underway and it's taken a bit of time up. And, to be honest.. been pretty boring around here.

I'm attempting to adjust to no longer having 12 kiddos in care and no assistant. makes everything a little harder. Going to the bank, running out of toilet paper... everything.... much harder. On top of all of that also been struggling with parents being upset with me. Since I no longer have an assistant I can no longer just take siblings when they do not have school at their preschools. I'm getting calls that give me 2 days notice their even out and by then its a matter of luck if I can get an assistant in here on such short notice. in my thinking I'd think parents would prefer to make their own arrangements as opposed to me taking on extra kids and being over my limit... which can get me in great trouble.

However, this is not the case.. instead it turns into them treating me like I'm letting them down and screwing them over. I had disappointing people much less not being able to do what they want. But, in this particular instance I just can't! However, no one looks at how their reactions to me not being able to take their kids at a whims notice affects me.

Sometimes it feels everyone only cares how it affects them. I wish I could get across to people that if I did what they wanted and didn't worry about the precautions then they could end up with no care at all if I were to get into trouble for having too many kids.

It's such a stress... all the time... worrying about my life affecting my parents. At times I often wonder how can people be soo selfish. I consider the fact that i used to be able to take the spare siblings however all of my parents know that I no longer have an assistant and can no longer just take them without notice.... but they almost make it seem like care for their children that are not enrolled in my daycare is my problem.. grrrrrrrr

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Breathing Easier

So, after about a month of high stress things going on. The dust has settled a bit. Alas, here I still stand. Whole and in tact. Alittle dinged up, a few wounds that still need to heal. But, alive and ready to go on. Light is showing at the end of the tunnel.

Ok, so you get it right? Things are on the up and hopefully just keep going in that direction. lol

With the primary bad stress behind me. I say bad stress as in the stuff you have no control over but controls all of your life. Like your health. I'm hoping to finally be able to sleep. After over a month of not getting much sleep and this last week I haven't slept 2 consequitive hours in a row on any given night. Tried everything from sleeping meds to general stuff like tylnol pm and nyquil and well... nothing. Hoping that just maybe... I can rest easy. I definately need to work on not harboring hard feelings on those who have worked oooo soo hard to make my life more complicated. That's going to be the hardest part for me is not having my mind sit on all the ways I could cause them just as many issues. Problem is with me is I don't have the heart to do that. I have enough anger to think up things, but would I ever follow through... nah. Not in my nature. Kill them with kindness right? Ya, well while I may nto be spreading the kindness I'll just let it go... may take a bit.

While all the stress isn't totally behind me I guess I feel like things at least have a solution now. A path to correction. It's hard to explain without giving a ton of details. All in all life is starting to look like it could go back to normal. Well, as much normal as it can. In May, I should be able to explain more... and trust me when those details come out... you'll understand it all. However, as of now I can't share all the details of all the stress. But just had to get on and write something...

Monday, April 18, 2011

Crafting BLOG.. share it for a chance at free goodies!

I began a new blog in efforts to seperate my crafting goodies from all the other choas I write about. Please go and follow it. with each new follower throughout the month.. I plan on doing a drawing for a prize for every 10 people who follow me!!! They will be amazing items like Prima and Tim Holtz and so forth.  So send it to your friends, share it with all you know.  There's going to be alot of ideas, convo, some chats, challeneges, and tons of giveaways!!! So.. go ahead.. share away!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011


So, I had to share this. Each year my birthday rolls around. Each year my father forgets.. and is very open about forgetting or letting me know his 6 year old son had to remind him. Well this year was by far priceless. My birthday was on the 13th. On the 15th I get a message from him.

"You're suppose to answer your phone on your Birthday. Happy Birthday."

I shook my head. i figured when I saw the message he had forgotten or he had the wrong day. Amazing to me. Simply shocking. He never forgets my brother or sisters birthday. I just don't get it. It's hurtful. However I have to say I did not call him as I wanted to and say "Geez dad I do answer my phone.. ON MY BIRTHDAY!" I didn't.

I did call my sister, who also had forgotten until my brother called to tell her to call me. haha However she was very honest.. about almost forgetting and when i said it was just fine she was all about telling me how I should be yelling and bitching at her as she would me if I had forgotten. I do find it funny how everyone in my family can recall everyone else's b-days, even my kids... lol except mine. Cracks me up.

 I told my sister she ought to call my dad and ask if he called me two days prior for my birthday. She did, he stated he knew it wasn't my b-day but fig. he might as well call. See to me it would have been much easier had he just called and said I'm sorry I forgot it. But no instead he tries to talk my sister into calling me and also telling me happy birthday on the wrong day. WOW

That is all I could say to that. WOW

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Must Read

I got this book for Christmas from a good friend of mine. Has taken me a while to get it finished but I have to say I'm totally in love with it.

I'm not normally a fan of Whoopi persay. However, this book is amazing! had to give it a shout out. Basically she talks about an assortment of things that just tick her off. haha I know who wants to read about someones rants and raves? But this book was like it was written by me. Talks about rude people using their cell phones anywhere and everywhere.. event he darn bathroom. Being rude to others at events, kids in places they shouldn't be, children not being independent, not going outside and playing but instead becoming overweight sitting inside doing nothing but glued to something that plugs in.

I just adore reading it. makes me feel like I'm not insane whenever I've been on my little soap box complaing about rude people and the lack of general manners amongst people.

If you enjoy reading and often find yourself asking what int he hell has happened to people or kids for that matter.. it's a must read piece.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I have literally never felt as horrible and as sick to my stomach as I do at this very moment. Tonight I had to give some parents of mine (daycare parents) their 2 week notice. I can't get into the details but because I could no longer retain an aid.. well that's not completely true I just can't depend on them to show up and not be over on my numbers if they do not.

 Its soo complicated its nuts however basically the state is bulling me into having to let go of two kiddos I have had for 2.5 years. Their some of my favorites and I love their parents and all we've done for one another more than anything in this world. Not to mention the little kiddos I've grown soo attached to its crazy. Their kiddos are like my kids brother and sister.

Anyways, tonight I had to ask them to leave in two weeks. It boils down to not having an assistant anymore and needing to cut back on my numbers because I will no longer have an assistant. As well as if I care for these kiddos when they need it as of may.. until 7pm in the evening and on every other weekend. I can have no friends or family come over who have a past the state does not like. Which is like everyone in my family... lol.. and a ton of my friends. As, well there's very few people in this world whom have never been in trouble.

 Anyways, it very much so boils down to watching these kids or continuing to would mean the end of my life as I know it. I feel horrible. I feel like I have let them down.. good friends as well as their kids.

Everything about the state just pisses me off right now. They want to control my life even on non-daycare hours and who is or is not allowed in my home. Which makes no sense to me what so ever if I'm not operating at that time. This case is just different. I've never had to ask anyone to leave much less kiddos I loved and have had for so long.  Just rahter pissed off as a whole.

Don't judge me....

don't look at me like that.

I live in a small community. It's over flowing with that I call helecoptor PTO moms. These are the moms who would rather die than miss one soccer pratice, who overflow their children with activities as well as themselves. You know these women no matter where you live. Maybe your even one of them. Their the moms that no matter what tiem of day or where you see them they have their perfectly pressed, non stained clothes on, hair in perfect place, make-up done to the T and look as though they get all the sleep in the world. Their the moms that I often look at and wonder hmm what am I doing wrong. I rarly put on my face just to leave the house, always have paint or something on me and well.. the hair.. even when all dolled up to go out is never to perfection.

These moms slightly annoy me. It's not their fault. I just can't stand that everytime I run into them. All they have to talk about is the great things their family, kids, hubby or themselves are doing. I can meet the same 20 women anywhere in town throughout a month and they never have anythign to say that doesn't reflect wonderfully on their perfect life. Now i'm not ignorant. I know their lives, children and family aren't perfect. You may say well their just positive people and don't want to discuss negative things or maybe they don't want to be that person always complaining. Which i agree both of those suck. But every now and then its good to see someone be human. Make mistakes, admit to their kids nto beign perfect.

I am not friends with these mothers. I may know them. Exchange friendly waves and small talk. But, would they ever invite me to dinner... nooooooo. Partially because I'm an incomplete family. They've never had a divorce and if they have they're never spoken of. They don't drink or if they do its the classy kinda drinkin. They don't swear or at least never in public. they didn't have children outta wedlock or as a teenager. Their children all come from one father. I'm trash I'm sure in their eyes. It doesn't bother me. I'm ok with not being a part of "the group". However, what I do not like and what bothers me is the looks. I often get looks from these moms.. at the store when my daughter refused to let me put up her hair thats a mess even after you brush it, or my son wants to wear something that doesn't match at all out to dinner, or when I'm shopping at night with or without my kids and well i look a mess. I'm sure many of you can sympathize with me on this. Their the moms that make you feel as though you're never quite adding up to what you should be. Not doing enough. Like I said its not all their fault.. sure the looks are and making others feel inseperior. But the fact that they can do it all is slightly impressive. However... it just annoys the FUCK outta me.

Yep.. I jsut used one of those words.. no classy woman much less a mother should ever use.

Another year has come and Gone

I've never had a birthday affect me but this year I have so much going on in my life that is uncertain such as my health and a few other things that I find myself slightly down about this birthday. Primarily because I guess it blows. It's not going to be with any of my loved ones.. other than of course my kiddos. Which of course I treasure but realistically its just not the same as adult loves ones and family. I'm sure you know what I mean.

I've always been okay with getting older. Cause well I just don't care. Never have. In fact as a child I couldn't wait to be 30. I have no clue why but it was that age I just couldn't wait to reach. It's the age where I was sure I'd have everything together in a nice little bundle. I'm only going to be 27 as of tomorrow. So, its no big deal but I find it just blows because its not going to be what I wanted. To essentially be surrounded by those I love the most. It's just not possible this year.

I have found myself reflecting on what the me of say 15 would think of the me now. Would she be disappointed or impressed? Goals and pieces of my life haven't went as planned as I'm certain they haven't for anyone. But, I know even with all the unplanned events my life is still a wonderful thing. I just find myself giggling a bit thinking about how naive I was. Even 12 years ago I was a mother. But that aside sooo much has changed it's amazing. My views on things and people. The things I've lived through but never imagined I would. Kinda puts some things in perspective for me and the current things going on. As I think back to some of the bigger things that have happened that I didn't see any good coming from or a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.... now in hind sight I see it all.

I'm hoping for this birthday just to come with no bad news. That is my highest expectation from this birthday.

Monday, April 11, 2011


It's amazing to me how much fear can rule ones life. The fear of not beign able to provide for your family. Fear for your health. The fear of maybe losing a job. The fear of losing someone you love The fear of losing a child. The fear of what will come. There's soooo many fears one can have. It's impossible to list them all.

Each different and involving different emotions. Sometimes emotions you can't even explain or put into any sorts of words. I'm pretty good with words but here lately I've some to the conclusion that words no longer make a difference.

How do you handle your fear? Do you put it in God's hands, do you eat it, so you exercise it off, take it out on others, bottle it up? What works for you.

I haven't been doing to well with my fears and concerns. Mainly I say I talk to others about them but it doesn't make me feel any better. For that matter neither does blogging about it. I have some fears.. such as the dark, that scares me alot! But other fears such as my health and situation in life. The things I have no real control over. I know have no control over any of it. Yet all of the possible outcomes of a few thigns have been running through my head. Causes me not to sleep thinking.... endless thinking. Literally, I don't sleep. I am not sure how to fix this. It's annoying and I know its just because this period of my life is a struggle in making decisions. There's soo many decisions to make, never knowing which ones lead to the path I want or should take.

I hate disappointing others more than anything but am coming to a point and time in my life where I'm understanding I have to at certian points. Which just blows!

Choas for sure

I find that I have not written for some time about anything with meaning as well life has been throwing me curve ball after curve ball. Pretty sure its nearly to the point of breakign my back trying to hit the damn things.

I hate whinning so rather than writing I've found myself keeping the thoughts to myself and those who are closest to me.

It's been overwhelming enough right now in life to deal with it all much less to write it all down and look over what i have written. i find that rather than beign healing it would be more so depressing.

So, on another note of a re-cap I have created a new blog for all crafting. Seems to make more sense to use this as a personal blog and keep my crafts and creations on the other blog.

I'm going to try more to write about somethings. I have to admit I do miss it alot.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

NEW crafting blog

Here's the link to my new crafting blog. Very excited about it. There will be tons of projects, how to's, tutorials, vids, tons of pics and lots of inspiration. Please feel free to follow it if you've loved following this blog. I'll be sharing tons of my recents projects, layouts, party decor and will even be doing some class online when I get enough of an audiance together.