BLAH

I have literally never felt as horrible and as sick to my stomach as I do at this very moment. Tonight I had to give some parents of mine (daycare parents) their 2 week notice. I can't get into the details but because I could no longer retain an aid.. well that's not completely true I just can't depend on them to show up and not be over on my numbers if they do not.

 Its soo complicated its nuts however basically the state is bulling me into having to let go of two kiddos I have had for 2.5 years. Their some of my favorites and I love their parents and all we've done for one another more than anything in this world. Not to mention the little kiddos I've grown soo attached to its crazy. Their kiddos are like my kids brother and sister.

Anyways, tonight I had to ask them to leave in two weeks. It boils down to not having an assistant anymore and needing to cut back on my numbers because I will no longer have an assistant. As well as if I care for these kiddos when they need it as of may.. until 7pm in the evening and on every other weekend. I can have no friends or family come over who have a past the state does not like. Which is like everyone in my family... lol.. and a ton of my friends. As, well there's very few people in this world whom have never been in trouble.

 Anyways, it very much so boils down to watching these kids or continuing to would mean the end of my life as I know it. I feel horrible. I feel like I have let them down.. good friends as well as their kids.

Everything about the state just pisses me off right now. They want to control my life even on non-daycare hours and who is or is not allowed in my home. Which makes no sense to me what so ever if I'm not operating at that time. This case is just different. I've never had to ask anyone to leave much less kiddos I loved and have had for so long.  Just rahter pissed off as a whole.

Love & Attachment

I'm sure I'm going to catch alot of flack on this post none the less I'm posting it.

I have 2 children and talking with a friend one night found myself trying to explain that I love both of my children more then anything in this world but the love I have for each child is soooo sooo different. It's even hard to put into words. Which if you personally knew me you'd know is very abnormal for me not to have words...lol

When Taylor my first was born I was very excited and scared as every first time mother is. However, I was 15 and the emotions that cam with him and his pregnancy and birth and everything were far different from those I experienced with my daughter. So, many things were different with her. I loved my pregnancy with her, loved her delivery...loved it all. It was picture perfect besides the complication associated with it but even with those it was great.

I often find myself feeling guilty over these emotions. I know I love both of my kids soo much but there are lots of things that are far different with them both. For instance when Taylor went to school I was literally skipping back to the house with newborn Desi. I have been dreading Desi going to school for a year now. I look at Taylor and can't believe how fast he's grown up and how mature he is. Desi, I look at her almost daily feeling like I'm missing things with her. Hard to explain but she'll do something or give me a look and I'm just like...what happened I blinked and I missed it, when did she learn that. In all actuality I'm extremely lucky as I've been with Desi everyday practically of her life...didn't have that with Taylor as I went to school and worked all the time, so it would seem he would be the one I should feel like I missed things on but its not so.

Taylor is very calm and collected a bit emotional but over all not very confident in who he is and desi is a walking image of me. She spunky, and fun and always says whats on her mind, very confident in herself and what she can and will do, a great mini mommy to the daycare kids and always full of energy. I think that's maybe why I connect with her on so many levels. None the less I have a guilt associated with it. We all have guilt as moms for all kinds of things but this one seems to bug me the most. Like I should feel more connection with taylor, or is it cause he's gone all day and the moments that make me say awww aren't aas often as he's growing up. Don't get me wrong we have a wonderful relationship...better then most I know, but I feel guilty and I never know why. we talk about everything and hate to put it like this but experienced alot of life together, not necessarily me leading him through it but together. Not what i think is idea but its how it happened.

I know its not from a lack of love cause theres love there but I feel bad...like I feel bad cause I don't have those feelings of missing all the little things with him...does that make me a bad mom? I'd like to think not..I'm sure theres some of you out there who say it's exactly the same between your two children...and to that I say ...........BLAH-Good for you. Yes, that's just how mature I feel...lol. I just can't wrap my head around why I'm so much more emotional about the things that Desi does or says or goes through then I ever remember being with Taylor. Maybe I was and just have forgotten the little emotions I felt here and there over the last 10 years.

So, my questions to all of you is do you ever feel this way or is it just me. Do you ever feel guilty because you did more with one child then you were able to with another? Do you feel like your attachment is stronger to one child...notice I didn't say love as I believe I have just as much love for each child...just different attachments to each child if that makes sense and even if it doesn't its all I got.

Christian Finances and Marriage info-PLUS great books for You!

So, thought I would share this. I have been through both of these. The Love and respect series I have actually been through twice and host about 10 times for small group Bible studies. The Financial Peace University i have been through twice.....I strong advocate doing both of these...whether you are doing great in your marriage and finances or on your last leg....They are both truly life savers in more ways then you can imagine.....They are expensive...my husband and I bought both sets as we knew we would want to host them after going through them each...but another option is each have books ava. at your local bookstore and even wal-mart...but the videos are much better and to die for...if you attend church alot of times if you bring it to them...they will purchase it to use as a resource...both are highly praised. The financial Peace also offers alot of info on sight and free worksheets for your budgeting as well...when your purchase it you get a cd full of great resources to help with your budgeting. All are taken from a christian point of view.


Financial Peace University- if you get a chance you really ought to read up on dave ramsey...he knows what he's talking about and has been through alot! He also has a few radio shows.....he's just very wise and easy to listen to even for men. Esp. in this society...GO AND LOOK

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/

Love and Respect - Owww I can't praise this enough...I still use things I learned in this and love helping other with things I know as well. Men also love listening and watching the videos because they are funny...you will truly be looking at youself going....wow thats me...or gosh that's how I sound when I do that......trust me this is great if your marriage is on its last leg or even just to freshen things up and learn some new things...I just love it and trust me ladies...this isnt one of those where you say..."now you come and listen or read this cause you need to...cause this is one of those to point the fingers both ways" Now you can look at the "learn" in the top and see some of the things....I will also be putting some of these things into my up-coming blogs for those of you who do want to learn more. But you can watch videos of it and read it on-line...trust me GO THERE NOW!! When you look at the learn section start at the crazy cycle...read and then do the mini video...and you'll see what I mean...but remember these are only a small part...he does conferences all over....go to one...it's worth the money!!! And once again he has a book...but the videos give you sooooooo much more!

http://www.loveandrespect.com/

ok below is where you can watch some video clips...very good stuff here gals and guys! Reember these just barely touch the surface of what he opens your eyes to...
http://www.loveandrespect.com/content/weekly_Movies.php?Category=1#

Ok this is also a great books I used it a few times to host some ladies book study groups. It's just great...and really sucks you in. But, ladies these are for you! You'll love them I promise...all are christian books but not preachy...promise.

"Captivating" by John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge now her husband is the one who wrote the highly acclaimed "wild at heart" this is just great for the men...anyway this book ohh my..I just love it it really makes you feel like she's inside of you explaining things about you being a woman...wife...mother...

" The Power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omartian - now this book oh gosh it's much more than praying...and she also write many other...like the power of a praying mother, and her hubby does ones for the men and such...and I just can't praise it enough...gals I have all of these...ahhh even the men I have given this to actually read them and liked them because they are easy to read.

" And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children" - by Susan Alexander Yates - ow gals esp you sahms this is great...this woman had 5 kids...and she goes through her troubles and fun and stresses and soo much more......it's just crazy how she talks and can relate to you....

Okay so all of these books can be found on amazon and are like 7 bucks or less and well well worth it for sanity...trust me I have read them all and praise them all. If you have any questions please feel free to ask away.

Little nothings-but somethings for HIM

Tonight I thought I might blog about something a bit different. I thought I'd make a little list of great things to do FOR HIM. These are little things...some corny but all will get across to him how much you feel for him and all he does...as often we get in the rut of "talking to" not talking with him...these are all things I have done at one point or another and have gotten great responses from...even if he's a macho man (not meaning that in a bad way but hmm not sure how else to put it...lol...so try one or two out...every now and then...and see what happens.

- Leave a lipstick message ----so this is something of a tradition for me. Every now and then I will leave a personal message on the bathroom mirror (you could also do a bedroom mirror and dont be discouraged of a kids mirror cause it's not a honry message...lol) I normally leave something like the follow......"you still give me butterflies" or "I love you soo much xoxox" or "thanks for all you do" and I have to say ladies he absolutely loves these!!!

- If you don't normally...great him with a big hug, kiss and his fav. drink when he comes through the door...guys just love this!

-Send him a little text...consisting only of words of endearment- such as "can't wait till you get home" or "thinking of you" this just lets him know ...no matter what and how hectic your day is or his...you took a sec. to think about him

- Bake his favorite treat or dessert for no reason at all.

- Fix his plate- meaning instead of him having to get his own plate on those nights you don't eat at the table...get it for him...and bring it to him...if you don't normally do this...this means a ton to a guy! I don't know why but it does...you just don't say a word and bring it to him....it does wonder...I've even had some of my friends boyfriends look at me like I am nuts when I bring them their plate when they are guests....it's crazy how much men are blown away by this! Then when he's done...take his plate to the sink if he doens't want more for the kicker...lol....it's just a great one...

- The respect note-- ok so this is a great one I leared through a very great marriage seminar- you sit down adn really think..and write him a little note letting him know....NOT that your soo in love with him......but how much you appreciate and respect him and love him...then name a few things your are truly greatful for that he does for you and your family...or how hard he works for you all. Then you slip this into his wallet or his luch or briefcase...somewhere he's bound to look... mean knwo that you love them...because your a woman...lol...but they don't always know you appreciate and respect them for them and for what they do.

- When you get ready for bed...or when you are sure to have a good 30 minutes without interruption ( i know...trust me i know how hard this is but make the time if even for only 10 minutes) and sit down without saying a word...give him a neck or back or foot massage..... and ou did it just because.

- Buy him something small and insignificant to anyone but him...when doing the dishes think about it....something small that would spark a memory for him or something he'd love...get it wrap it and leave it on his pillow or next to his towel the nest morning... not on a special occasion but for no reason other than you were thinking of him.

Okay here are just a few of what I have...need more ideas..hit me up.

Now here's the big deal gals--- when you do any of these things....you don't say a word...if you do the respect note...do not...i repeat do not...no matter how much you want to do not ask him the sec he gets home or on that luch break phone call what he thought or if he read it...normally you'll see it without even having to say a word...meaning...maybe he does or sas something to you...but you let him lead the way...or leave it be..most men...not all but most aren't big or great about talking about these things...btu it doesnt mean it didn't mean the world to him...so do it...and then...thats it unless he brings it up...which he might...I have a girlfriend who did the respect note and he came to her and said "wow...did you really mean all that" and of course she sais yes...and he was amazed...since words like this aren't often spoken.

But whatever you do don't use these tricks as bullets...you all know what I mean...as in two weeks from when you do something........dont pipe out..."well I gave you a massage...and then you did nothing for me and im the one here all the time and working and i did something for you and i got nothing!" The point is to do something because you were thinking of him and love him...not to get something in return...and trust me if you do little things like this often 9 times out of 10 you will see little different thins from him as well.

Interested to see if anyone tries one of these...so let me know if you do or if you'd like to see more little somethings but nothings to do for him