Sunday, January 25, 2009

Being A Fiance and Wife

Is full of expectations. Expectations of your self, expectations from other moms, expectations from your fiance, expectations from people who don't even know you. No matter who you are, how you live, what you believe in there are always expectations......both good and bad.

I personally believe a wife is a servant to her husband.....ha I get looks all the time when I say that...esp. from the womans right gas, but I consider being a servant much different then those who choose to judge my way of life. I am not enslaved to my husband....but thats how they translate what I say...something so simple can cause someones expectations of you to drop because your not always in the appropiate spot or have appropiate time to explain such a remark about how you feel husband and wife are.

People speak to me on the phone concerning my preschool, they are thrilled, excited and ready to meet me. I am very honest with others I am upfront aout my age and my childrens ages. I used to hide my age, hide the fact that I was 15 when I had a child, but in a sense when I did that I felt shameful. I had a healthy, intelligent, well behaved and brough up child. Why would I hide the small fact of how old I was when he was conceived, I did so because I was scared. the 30 and 40 something moms would look at me when they heard that and it's like the respect they held for me drifted away like a fog cloud. In my eyes it showed how strong I was, hoe determined I was, how responsible I am. But none the less their expectations clearly slipped away, some blunt enough to tell me and some draw the conclusion I was a whore or some just hide the feelings but their face told their story. Expectations are soo scary. Expectations can hurt us. Expectations can fog our brans into thinking what we think is right maybe may not be. Expectations can never fully be lived up to.

Maybe there are expectations on how you handle your children, hoe you clean your home, your faith, your body. I know some woman whom I over hear speaking often discussing how their husbands would prolly leave them if they gained weight. Now I'm sure most are a bit of a stretch but none the less that expectation to remain in "good fitness" surrounds us even more as women. There are so many expecations. those of you whom work may be met with exectations of balancing work and home and doing it to meet certian standards. I work from home and find it even more taxing then when i worked outside of the home.

We can set them to high for even ourselves. As a wife, mother and preschool teacher i have many parents whom set the bar for their expectations of me very high. I tell them from the begining, I am not perfect, can not please eveyone and always try my best. I may have one parent whom thinks it's horriable that there are dirty dishes in the sink when she gets her child or messy tables, mean while I have another whom thinks my house looks appropiate for running a preschool. You can't win them all....and wil die trying. I know I used to bend over backwards...trying to please all.

I had it maped out how I was going to perfectly balance being a mother to my three children, run a preschool and be a wife, not to mention all the things that come between. But, truth be told....I laughed after fully thinking about it all. Expectations are normal. Christ had expectations for adam and eve...we may not see it that way but He did to me anyway. But, why have expectations become something in this world that we fear. Why have they become something so relevant in this look at even the newpapers, teens killing themselves over college grades, mothers being judged everyday on some new talk show something is being challenged, I enjoy learning about new things as much as everyone else but when it feels as thought because you think, feel or act a certain way you may be I often feel like this when people find out how old I am, i am well educated and a great mom...or as great as I can be...and yet people have expecatations that say if you not 25 or older...what int he hell were you thinking...always makes me laugh cause i know many of them...and they were poppin many guys...they just didn't get caught...much less get pregnant and yet I'm the one judged. I never allowed my son to have a dripple of soda or store bought juice or candy until after he was was nothing that killed him but I found people and their expectations of me were unbelievable. i was doing something right and still seemed to failt o meet their expectations because I wasn't allowing him to experience things...HA I changed my way a bit over time but my chilren still are not allowed store bought juice or

I try to have little to know expecatations of others. When I do I'd like to think they are modest and non-judgemental because of all I have been through. But, why...why all the thoughts that our beliefs and thoughts and ways of doing things are better and why when we hear otherwise from our peers, family or friends do we not take that as they are different...just that often do you spend the time to ask questions or get to know them before lowering your expectations of a person.

i guess there's not too big of a point to this entry but I just wanted to share. And hopefully get people thinking about their own expectations of people. That everyone can makes mistakes, bad thoughts and well be human. Try to make your expectations relistic.