Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Another year has come and Gone

I've never had a birthday affect me but this year I have so much going on in my life that is uncertain such as my health and a few other things that I find myself slightly down about this birthday. Primarily because I guess it blows. It's not going to be with any of my loved ones.. other than of course my kiddos. Which of course I treasure but realistically its just not the same as adult loves ones and family. I'm sure you know what I mean.

I've always been okay with getting older. Cause well I just don't care. Never have. In fact as a child I couldn't wait to be 30. I have no clue why but it was that age I just couldn't wait to reach. It's the age where I was sure I'd have everything together in a nice little bundle. I'm only going to be 27 as of tomorrow. So, its no big deal but I find it just blows because its not going to be what I wanted. To essentially be surrounded by those I love the most. It's just not possible this year.

I have found myself reflecting on what the me of say 15 would think of the me now. Would she be disappointed or impressed? Goals and pieces of my life haven't went as planned as I'm certain they haven't for anyone. But, I know even with all the unplanned events my life is still a wonderful thing. I just find myself giggling a bit thinking about how naive I was. Even 12 years ago I was a mother. But that aside sooo much has changed it's amazing. My views on things and people. The things I've lived through but never imagined I would. Kinda puts some things in perspective for me and the current things going on. As I think back to some of the bigger things that have happened that I didn't see any good coming from or a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.... now in hind sight I see it all.

I'm hoping for this birthday just to come with no bad news. That is my highest expectation from this birthday.

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