Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Single Moms Dating

So, I got a reply to my post about single moms dating and the children involved.

"Please don't introduce your children to any man until you are ready to commit to him. Children don't need to have guys walking in and out of their lives. By waiting it also protects your children. Some men want to date single moms in order to get close to their children. Please be careful."

I wanted to reply to this with some more questions....

Here's my questions and viewpoints if you will. I understand men not floating in and out of a house as I find this appauling and would never do that to my children. Their saftey is always my utmost importance. Now, I'm assuming committed above means marriage or livingtogether.

Here's my deal with this is a relationship between a woman and man could be great but how do you commit to someone you have not seen enteract with your children? Should you commit to someone you have never seen enteract with them...seen the chemisty and connection between them. I'm not meanign to say i think each guy a woman dates should meet the children or get them overly attached to a guy...but doesn't there have to be some line to where you view them with your children?

I just know that a relationship a man and woman have dating is a very different dynamic then a family type relationship. So, I'm still curious on this one I guess...


Jenn Luck said...

Not sure. Maybe depends on the situation of the relationship first.

#1 If you think that it's going great and you feel that it could last longer then 6mth maybe or so then I say go ahead.

#2 If you are unsure on how it will go then wait a bit then introduce them.
Possibly on the 3rd or 4th date or something like that.

Kind of hard to determined when each situation is different.

I always said that I would wait til I knew it was some what serious before they meet him.

And for younger children I would say this is my friend. Older kids u could say mommy is dating him or something like that.

So hard cause never had to really think of this. Just a few thoughts here and there.

I think you just have to play it by ear and see how the situation plays out on how you feel of how things are going with u and the guy. To be able to determine if u want him to meet him or not or them meeting him. Which ever.

KrisB said...

After Kevin's dad and I split, I was single for quite a while. Very few guys met Kevin... only a select few did I deem worthy of contact.

*grin* Once they were allowed to meet him, being the "evil woman" that I am, they were required to bring a gift for my son if they brought a gift for me. :)

I always told them I was a packaged deal, and if he didn't like them, they were wasting their time.

Fortunately, I found a wonderful man who loves me and loves my son as his own. Kevin now has a nice extended family, as his father and I are good friends, and so are our spouses. We even have done some holidays together!! :)

However, there are ways to bring a new person into a child's life without having them full time. I think the concern is having someone move in or spend nights without making a commitment. That can be tough on children.

All I know is Kevin and I have been lucky. He met a couple other guys I was dating, but this one was the keeper. I don't think the others that he met briefly hurt him in anyway. It's important for children to know as well as adults, that people come into our lives for a reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they leave. I have taught him from a young age that everything happens for a reason.. and we don't always know the reason, but some people stay and some people go. :) It's just the way life is.