Sunday, October 26, 2008

Another Moment in Time to Cherish Forever.HA

"YOUR NOT MY SISTER NO MORE!" I hear screaming from desi's lips s she places a hand on her hips and attempts to mimick stomping up the stairs...she's not even 3.5 yet and yet she has mastered repeating the things she hears from the preschool kids mouths. I have 2 sets of sisters in my home and they very often spit that sentence at one another when upset. She doesn't even realize that makes no sense to say to me...but oh nearves are boiling..I really don't like talking back...but she's at the point now to where she needs to un-boil before tlaking with her or she breaks down in a teary fit to where nothing gets across to her.....

I dont even know what set her off but I truly feel as though i may loose my nuts any minute!!! I don't like disrespect...and have read and watched everything about kids that I can get my hands on...and yet many days out of the week I still feel as though I am at odds with this little girl. She's ohhhhh soo independent and drama..that girl has some drama...about this and that and anythign and everything!!! I remember finding out I was having a girl and being delighted but at the smae time knowing it would be nothing like my first born boy.

Then as a baby she was independent but oh soo sweet. And it's like 2 weeks after she turned 2 and dark light came on...dont get me wrong I love her more than anything...but oh my lord. I remember sitting in stores or out to eat watching a little girl go nuts and htinking oh thank the lord my kids aren't like that...well two weeks after she turned 2...I remember thinking...."WHAT HAPPENED!" Where did that little girl go...and why!!! She throws normal fit....which I try to manage as well as I can but am always ....i repeat always looking for new ways to handle her.....does she need more attention--one on one....more discipline...I just can't get the combo right on her safe.

I don't get what I am doing wrong.....and sometimes I think it's really not me at all......because I have done the same things with all 3 of my kids and my younger son...who is 2 on halloween is just as well behaved as my eldest son was...but i always wonder...will that switch go off shortly after turning 2! ahh I dont even want to think about that.

i know shes a great kids most of the time and yet daily I have those moments to where I find myself thinking "how can i fix this?" Is it the influence of one or more of the older children....can i fix it or just manage it by discliple and letting her know her actions are not acceptable...still working on this as I said...

I hope it gets better with age cause I always thought I'd be very close to her and we have our own bond but......I swear some days she doesnt really like me! I know she doesnt have to like me as I am the mom...but some days wow...I wonder.

I have theories about why she acts the way she does...but none of which can I undo...such as a divorce to her father after 6 years...but oh my...

Just a little rant on the things I work on everyday in addition to everything else in lie!

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