Sat.- Sun.- Mon.- Tue You can find Me.........

Recklessly slamming my head into the wall!!! No kidding you stop by my home on any of those eveings...after 8pm. You'd prolly think somone was drying inside of my house...from all my head banging, moans and more! Those night are by far the most stressfull eveings I have! And to boot those are the nights I have my over night kids on top of my own! Those nights cause me to feel like I am having a nervous break down....I have words in my head I never thought I could even come up with on those nights. I have feelings of complete dispair and failure on those nights. I try and try each night to make it different...but alas always the same! On those nights....I grab the pillow and scream into it or if feeling really ballsy I step outside and scream! Its a loud scream to. On those nights you can find me completely calm until about 7:45 when I know the fight is coming. The fight of all fights. The fight many parents have delt with. It's been delt with for decades upon decades. I have advice for everyone else on this fight....and it works for them...heck works for me too....but not on these nights. On these nights...the soon to be hubby is at work which intensifies the fight and the frustration.....hmm have you guessed what the fight is....i bet many mothers have...

Its the age old fight over sleep. The fight for me to sleep.....the fight to get my daughter to sleep!!!!!! She's almost 3.5. And for some reason I have failed in her bed time routine. Everything has worked for my two boys and the countless number of nightly children I keep...but NOT FOR HER! I have tried not letting her take naps...nope doesn't work, I have tried being extra loving, tried letting her wear herself out, tried bribing, tried letting her watch a video, tried being realy stern and steady on it every night. NOTHING WORKS!!! I go in lay her down..thats done and the easy part...but within minutes shes out of her bed...for something or nothing. I put her back and back and back.....no matter which approach I take shes up till at least 11. And up by 5-6am. This is killing me...not because I need the sleep because I am normally up later than that and up at the same time she is...but just the fact that I can't figure her out. I know shes tryign to break me! And each night I stand sturn but oh my gosh!!! I got so desperate.... I know shes okay in her room...nothing to harm her or anything...just a bed and dresser...her toys are kept in the play rooms...so i tied scarfs together and tied off her door so even if she gets up she cant open the door...well.....she took too banging and yelling until somone comes to her door.....and this wont fly...esp on the nights i have over night kids because she wakes them all including an infant! Or she jerks on the door enough times to loosen the scarfs.

Now shes a very strong willed little girl..always has been...she refused to eat baby food....she had to feed herself and is very independent. But, I'm at my wits end. Now here's the kicker....why only those night is she like this? Well during naps and on the other evening the hubby is around....so he does it for me to save my some sanity...heck if she knows he's here and I lay her down shell stay there but its like she knows the nights he wotn be here and does this. I know she's just a little kid....but wow, I need some kind of mediction! lol

I remember when I first became a parent at 15! I was ina moms group and this gal was talking about how she gave her kids more then a single dose of tylonl so he would sleep...and i was htinking wow...how horriable is that...and shes 30 something...i know more then she does.....but I'm telling you...medication sounds awefuly good on those nights. lol

I hate to call it fighting but gosh...that's what it is....I've tried everything and am always consistant..and all my tricks have worked for every other kid I've known or had to put to bed. But, I swear I wonder about her sometimes....I would think she just knows she can do it with me...bt the hubby doesn't spank or anything...just says get into bed...and good night. I do the same thing he does...with her getting up enough times to drive me into a break down. Last night I was at wits end... i took a break and steped into my room and took a pillow and let it all out....feel great...but I look over and shes at my bedroom door...staring at me....then she says "mommy you funny" aAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I didn't have enough energy for another scream. I don't give into her ever...so why after a year am I still being pushed on this issue!

Don't get me wrong...I know some day all these qualities about her are going to develope her into a super strong person but right now I could use some of that strength! I know this happens to many parents...but I'm doing what most of then aren't. I never let her sleep with me or any of those bad habit that cause kids to not get into good bedtime manor...I've always done it the right way...or maybe not the right way but all the ways I knew how to - to ensure children sleep in their beds and get plenty of rest. Just drives me even more insane that she sleeps great and goes right to sleep when the hubby puts her down or when I do it and hes around.

Now there is one large detail that I think i know is the problem but I really have no way to fix it. When I was married before my x always laid her down...it was his and hers thing. She always went right to bed with no problems. It was their special thing...which was great. And I think she got into the pattern of wanting her dad to lay her down...and even now wants her step dad to lay her down at nights (I have full custody and her dad my x hasnt seen her in like a yr) due to financial problems (whoa thats a whole other entry though) But I understand she got into that rythym but for gosh sake I have been pluggin away at this for a yr now and no results! My soon to be hubby works evening 4 nights a week so he CANT be here to lay her down if thats what shes needing....so I'm stuck!

Thanks to all who have read and feel my pain as I feel much better even though I just shared...I feel a ray of hope...and tomorrow the hubby will be home......lol

SCREAMING FALL

So, the house is almost quiet...two of the eldest children are playing. But for the most part all you can hear is the peacefull slumber of the children all sleeping.....this is one of my favorite times of day. This is when I get things done that Have to be done NOW and this is when I sit and take what sometimes is my first breath of the day...but today is especially special....its one of those great slightly windy rainy days...It just screams fall!!! Yells bring on the hot coco!

Now there is a downside to this weather....all of the 11 kids here today are trapped inside...but its a great day to wrok on some great fall projects and worksheets...which they always love.

But this weather while most find it nasty gives me that clean feeling......like everything gets cleaned away...not only the dirt and such outside but this type of weather is like a fresh start! And I love it!

I love feeling the leaves crunch under my feet and hearing the bristling whispers of the leaves that still remain in the trees. It's just Great!! Great!! Great!!

Just thought I would share this great feeling...as it will only last a few more moments untill all of the children awake for entertainment!!