Fear

How as people do we not allow fear to consume our thoughts? I'm speaking very generally here. So, many fears to have as a woman, as a mother heck anything these days and everyone for that matter. I of course can only speak from a girl's perspective.

I often find myself thinking about things that could happen or might happen. I wonder how much time I spend thinking about things that honestly I can't say or do nothing about. I certainly can't prevent them from happening if their destined to happen. None the less they occupy my mind more often then not.

They like to strike while I'm laying in bed on those sleepless nights. I often play through my head if I've said and done everything I can to prevent the big ones that bother me the most. Of course I never have a solution...none the less I worry.

Thats all fear seems to be is worrying about something you have no control over. Sucks all the same though. Kinda vague tonight not feeling all to explainitory.

Fears..

I'm not sure whats prompting this post this morning but...its the topic of choice. Are you one of those moms who allows fears to control how you mother? I guess I am not. I'd like to say I'm for cetian on that but I'm sure there are somethings that are fear inspired. I don't see fear as a bad thing I guess. I just see it as the things that challenge me. Some fears are fears inspired by things that happened when I grew up...meaning they weren't natural fears but through some experience they were developed.

For instance, I consider a natural fear of mine to be the dark. Yes, that's right I'm one of the millions who is afraid of the dark...however it was strongly strengthened byt the fact that my dad often would sit downstairs and come up after me in the dark and grab my legs to scare me. He was the dad who asked you to go get something from the car after dark...and then go out there with a gun or leaf blower and jump out n scare the crap out of me. Yes, that was my twisted family...

I have many fears...thought it might be neat to list them. As a show of faith that I'm not defined by them or embarrassed. I think of them more so as challenges I get to overcome...hmm hopefully throughout life.

- Fear of the dark.
- Fear of dying before I've seen my children grow old. - This fear is one inspired by life. My mom passed when I was 13 and i'd never want my children to have to grow up not knowing their mom. It's not a fear of dying but just not getting to see them grow old and happy.
- Fear of falling in love with someone who's already given the heart to someone else and doewsn't have it to fully give to me.
- Fear of letting people down. I'm not sure where this one came from but I've always been afraid of letting people down..not everyone but those important to me.
- Fear of losing my scrapbooks....I knwo this one seems kinda pity but, its a huge fear. I've worked for years on them and love them to pieces. They tell my families stories.
- Fear that my daughter will someday be a teen mom. This more so it's just based on society and how fast thigns move these days and having had a child at 15...I'd never wish those struggles on my children..or anyone for that matter.

I don't have many fears and for this I am grateful. Although, I have learned that as I go through life I do acquire new ones along the way.